candyfloss - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

naturegirl
Member

since 2009-09-30

Posts 168
England

0 posted 2012-01-09 08:02 PM

heart drops stone-like.
candyfloss and cottonwool
inside my head. I hear
your mouth move, spewing
decayed petals, spinning slowly
to the ground. A parody
of once cherished love,
fading fast. My feet
return to cold clay.

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

1 posted 2012-01-09 08:27 PM

"candyfloss" is called cotton candy here in the U.S., nature girl.

Anyway you say it, to have it spining around inside your head is a sticky mess.

As well as is "A parody of once cherished love", and feet return (ing) to cold clay"

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

2 posted 2012-01-09 08:29 PM

Ice said all that needed to be said, I bow to greatness . . .

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

naturegirl
Member

since 2009-09-30

Posts 168
England

3 posted 2012-01-09 09:05 PM

candy floss and presumably cotton candy is sickly sweet and cotton wool muffles conveying disorientation, hence, I hear your mouth move. the decayed petals are spinning slowly to the ground - it is they that are a parody of once cherished love. My feet return to cold clay because there is no ongoing metamorphis.sorry to disappoint gentlemen.

tracie66
Member Elite

since 2000-01-18

Posts 4713
Australia

4 posted 2012-01-10 05:08 AM

this is good.

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

5 posted 2012-01-10 07:04 PM

"A parody
of once cherished love,
fading fast. My feet
return to cold clay."

Ouch...
So much said in so few words.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

6 posted 2012-01-10 07:31 PM

makes perfect sense to me - whatever you said!

Actually, enjoyed the read, my friend...comments too...

j.

naturegirl
Member

since 2009-09-30

Posts 168
England

7 posted 2012-01-11 11:15 AM

yes - think I was having a bad hair day! strange how things seem so much better when you've outed them? don't know how i coped before I discovered PiP.thanks all.x

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

8 posted 2012-01-11 04:39 PM

you say a lot with very few words... I could see, and hear, the petals falling. Beautifully done.

Michael

twistedpup
Member

since 2011-02-25

Posts 115

9 posted 2012-01-15 02:22 PM

The title actually is what captured my attention.
Your poem is well written, so much said with so few word, that i agree with.
Keep writing.

*hugs*

EmmaRose
Senior Member

since 2011-03-02

Posts 1376
Midwest

10 posted 2012-01-15 03:57 PM

feeling the chill CF
very effective

naturegirl
Member

since 2009-09-30

Posts 168
England

11 posted 2012-01-18 07:38 PM

Thanks all you are very kind.much appreciation for your comments.x

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.