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JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

0 posted 2012-01-01 06:57 PM

This is the second poem about the same situation I found myself in through no fault of my own. I guess it is the holidays that are pushing these to the forefront of my thoughts.

my head was being attacked
by force
a sea of red blinded me
something pushed at me from behind
pushing, pushing, pushing
tried to scream
for the force behind me to please stop
let me return to my
warm cushioned shelter
couldn't scream
something stopped my voice
the sea of red suddenly and violently
went away
in its place bright lights blinded
my eyes as I tried to force them open
rudely I was snatched by my heels
turned upside down and my behind
was slapped
not once, but twice
that was when I screamed

I heard my birth mother say
take it away, I don't want to know what it looks like

six years later
on the small front porch
I lay in another mother's lap
as she rocked
back and forth in the old rocking chair
my head was on her bosom
something red was in my eyes
I knew it to be blood
like the red of my birth mother
as she pushed me out of her body
this blood was different
than the other
my birth mother just wanted to be rid of me
this other mother
was violent
liked to hurt me
then pull me onto her large lap
and rock and sing Amazing Grace
as I lay there
listening to the beating of the other mother's heart
I hated her
and . . .
I hated my birth mother
I began to hate early in my life

I heard my other mother say
I'll beat that damn French out of you
if it’s the last thing I do
She was wrong.

©December 30, 2011 / Jerry Pat Bolton

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

[This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (01-02-2012 07:05 AM).]

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

1 posted 2012-01-01 07:01 PM

oh man, Mr. Pat~~~

some heavy heavy hurt for a boy's heart to hold~*~

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

2 posted 2012-01-01 07:03 PM

WoW! That was quick, Baby Doll. Yeah. I regurgitate it every so often. This was one of those times.

I see you have posted, I'm headed that way.

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

3 posted 2012-01-01 07:28 PM

yeah...I'm the quickest draw in the West...ok.. Northeast...or didn't you know? LOL

XOXO

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

4 posted 2012-01-01 07:32 PM

You know... I'm not really good at a whole lot. I won't even presume to say that I'm the best mom; but if I know one thing, it's that being a mother is the only thing that I throw 100% of of myself into, every day, without question. I can't even... wrap my mind around the mindset in your poem. It makes me want to cry, and mourn, and be angry all at one time.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

5 posted 2012-01-01 07:39 PM

Oh yeah, Baby Girl, Northeast, that'd be Long Island, eh?

<><>

Sorry for disturbing you in such a way, Nicole. It's like I said, I think it is the Christmas days that have me reminiscing bad things.

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

6 posted 2012-01-01 07:43 PM

Certainly nothing to apologize for; life is disturbing. Thank you for showing the strength of character that you do.

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

7 posted 2012-01-01 07:54 PM

Jerry, I'm with Nicole. It's one thing to be a tough kid and getting through that, and it's another to be an adult and knowing better.
Makes me angry too.
My heart to you, bud! Be strong.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

8 posted 2012-01-01 07:58 PM

Thank you, Nicole.

<><>

JL, I'm okay. I think me writing about it every so often has gone a long way in making me deal with it better. It didn't used to be that way, and I went off the deep end and hurt a lot of people before I came to terms with it and myself.

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

ebonygirl
Member Elite

since 2011-07-14

Posts 2000
California U.S.A

9 posted 2012-01-02 01:37 AM

JP,
Ditto everything Nicole and JL said.
You are the Angel of PIP. Why? You ask. (I heard you ask, but in a different way.) You are here for all of us. In your own special way you have brought us healing balm.
Your life experiences have made you sensitive to our hurts, even when we didn't know we were hurting.
Thank you for sharing your life.
Sincerely,
Ms. E

tracie66
Member Elite

since 2000-01-18

Posts 4713
Australia

10 posted 2012-01-02 04:31 AM

dear JerryPat i don't know how any woman could be like either of those women, neither of them deserved you. ~hugs~ to you dear.

Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe
— W. E. Channing

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

11 posted 2012-01-02 06:41 AM

Thank you, Ms E, I think maybe you are right about those angels. Thanks for being here.

<><>

Appreciate the kind words, tracie66.

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

12 posted 2012-01-03 02:46 AM

This would break any "true" mother's heart.
Ida

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

13 posted 2012-01-03 05:43 AM

Good morning,Ida. There are all kinds in this old world. I guess it is the luck of the draw. Thank you.

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

14 posted 2012-01-03 08:44 AM

much love my friend.

Hugs Lori

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

15 posted 2012-01-03 08:56 AM

Very saddening, dear Jerry! It's difficult to handle these emotions, that arise from your impressive words. I am sure both of your mothers knew the wrong they had done you and at one time in their lives at the latest on their deathbed they will have to deal with this loveless behaviour towards you. Just as you can't forget, they can't forget either, even if apparently they were indifferent.

You have known deep pain and you have walked through dark tunnels, but you have certainly evolved into a very sensitive man who knows better than most the injustice of growing up without warmth.

Hugs.
Margherita

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

16 posted 2012-01-03 09:23 AM

Thank you, Lori.

<><>

Margherita, I am appreciative of yous kind thoughts. I try not to whine about it, but sometimes . . .

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

17 posted 2012-01-16 12:10 PM

There is no excuse... there's just... none. My heart aches for the boy you were, the man who remembers... and all the other boys and girls who became or will become men and women forever affected by drawing short straw and getting monsters instead of mothers.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

18 posted 2012-01-16 07:49 AM

I am touched by your words, suthern, Thank you,

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways ~*~

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