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Open Poetry #47
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Cold Avenue
| Open Poetry #47 |
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Cold Avenue |
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soul drifter Senior Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 711Colorado |
Cold Avenue Love left me in vacancy on cold avenue can anyone see me in golden hues a black and white matinee can't show and the film is confettied snow piling up ash like burning cash blackened like coal Love you left me begging on cold avenue unbreakable bending my worn out muse a bleak sundown sky covers me and this finite, frozen feeling cooling my jets and pirouettes inside my soul All at once I knew this feeling was for you and I was turning blue down on a cold avenue always for you Love left me at last call on cold avenue falling with the leaves precious and few a park in the rain, devour my will dead flowers on a windowsill meaning nothing, say something and make it true Lover lift me up again from cold avenue draw the curtain brighten my view this half-lit city covered in morning and my songs were a warning wrote 'em alone in dark tones and just for you All at once I said this living is dead and I was turning red down on a cold avenue always for you And at once I lost got all my love crossed and you were the cost down on a cold end street like a cork tossed on the sea hidden from you Love left a vacancy can't you see me turning black and blue walking down this cold avenue looking for you "Teach a man to reason, and he'll think for a lifetime." -Phil Plait |
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| © Copyright 2011 Zach Hilgefort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
"Love left me at last call on cold avenue falling with the leaves precious and few a park in the rain, devour my will dead flowers on a windowsill meaning nothing, say something and make it true" The entire write reads like a song. This verse seems to be the thread to me. Really enjoyed. JL  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Soul Drifter, I agree with JL that this rang very well as a song. However, I would like to add that the singer should sing the words very clearly (not all singers do), because not a single word of the beautiful, sad and sensitive work of art should be missed. I was going to revolt against "my worn out muse" to begin with as I thought you were saying that your muse was ineffective (which is most decidedly not true), but then I realised that your muse could be tired (but still very effective) from overwork because you have written a lot, or because you have forced your muse to work very hard at the poems she has inspired. Owl |
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ebonygirl Member Elite
since 2011-07-14
Posts 2000California U.S.A |
Enjoyed your poem, drifter, Ms. E |
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