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Open Poetry #47

Forever more

tuffluv66
Member

since 2011-05-13

Posts 121
Iowa, U.S.A.

0 posted 2011-08-04 09:18 AM

I offer the world,

   you settle on a smile.

I offer my soul,

   you take my heart.

I offer adoration,

   your delighten with just my love.

I seek to bask,

   in your luxurious smile.

I wish to drown,

   in your shimmering eyes.

I hope to lie,

   beneath the caress of your fingertips.

I desire to be entrenched,

   forever more,

      in your heart.

tuffluv66
Member

since 2011-05-13

Posts 121
Iowa, U.S.A.

1 posted 2011-08-04 09:21 AM

I was told that I needed to write some prose. Please feel free to dissect any of my writings, for I can only get better with all of your help.

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

2 posted 2011-08-04 09:34 AM

I'm not a good one to critique this. I like it as is.
Lori

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2011-08-04 09:37 AM

It is a beautiful poem but prose it isn't. Your work always moves me. I love you.

tuffluv66
Member

since 2011-05-13

Posts 121
Iowa, U.S.A.

4 posted 2011-08-04 09:51 AM

I know, but it seems that you will have to take me in hand and show me slowly how to write prose.

Angel4aKing
Senior Member

since 2006-09-27

Posts 1372
USA

5 posted 2011-08-04 10:29 AM

OOHH Tuff this kind of love is not tuff at all!!! You made my heart twitter!!! Beautiful!!!

~~~kingsangel~~~

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