The " Most Widely Un-read Poet " Contest

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Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

0 posted 2011-07-19 08:51 AM

Those who write I'm quite sure are familiar
That when notions pop into our heads
It's not long 'fore they're put down on paper
Or right here on computer instead

Now some notions might seem quite peculiar
Or at least so I've heard it been said
While some others flash wit like a rapier
And still more are balloons made of lead

I've a notion concerning my writing
And propose we've a contest instead
As opposed to aquiring more readers
We've awards for " Most Widely Un-read "

If we take all the poems that we've posted
And we tally up all the replies
Then divide by the number of postings
We will see just where each of us lies

It's a contest that's open to anyone
'less of course you're afraid to keep score
What the heck, I say all in the name of fun
'cuz that trophy should be mine for shore

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2011-07-19 09:14 AM

LOL...I highly doubt that, Doc...
you're just too clever for words!

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

2 posted 2011-07-19 09:32 AM

You just THINK you'd win the trophy. I'm thinking you might be surprised how much you're read. After all - Who wouldn't follow a Moose?

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 2011-07-19 10:34 AM

I'd follow a Moose (oh wait, I guess I poved that already!). And you would NOT win. Nope. No way.

Love the poem though - even if you are wrong.

A

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

4 posted 2011-07-19 12:46 PM

Now that I have seen how moose-gorgeous you are with those magnificent antlers in that photo Alison took of you - well, I'd follow you anywhere!

Owl

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

5 posted 2011-07-19 01:08 PM

Sunshine, Nan, Alison and Owl,
Lol, no I swear it's true. I'll be coming up on my twelfth year here and I'm pretty sure I got this one in the bag. Just for kicks I ran all the numbers. 5010 total replies ( which is far more than I deserve, lol ) divided by my originating post total of 761 comes out a whopping 6.58 average comments per post ( again far more than I deserve given my somewhat reclusive nature )I'll put those stats up against anyones' lol. Besides it's unlikely anyone else will spend the time to figure out theirs' so that sucker's 'bout as good as mine, though it sure is nice of you gals to think otherwise, lol.
Doc

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

6 posted 2011-07-19 01:19 PM

Well Doc..I would only ask..why does it matter? Replies don't associate with reads..they only associate with replies and someone having something to day one way or another. The cool thing about PIP is one can write here....express, rant, jabber belch and blubber and there is not a reward or punishment.

As for me...I am only red when I blush...so seldom it would be for sure.

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

7 posted 2011-07-19 01:44 PM

Dark,
I agree whole-heartedly with your assessment. It doesn't matter, what does matter to me is to find the humor in things
and then exploit it in the hopes of making someone laugh. To that end I would most proudly wear the crown of "Most Widely Un-read Poet"
Doc

[This message has been edited by Dr.Moose1 (07-19-2011 04:28 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2011-07-19 02:31 PM

I was about to ask you to put pencil to my "figure[s]" and then I thought you'd laugh so hard at that thought that you'd probably fall over.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

9 posted 2011-07-19 03:30 PM

Nope. Ain't counting. You are just trying to stir up trouble, you . . . you . . . Heck, I'd win, but in this contest the one who wins loses, 'Taint fair.

~ Eggs and bacon, honeymoon style / What's honeymoon style? / Straight up and hard. ~

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

10 posted 2011-07-19 04:28 PM

Sunshine,
Lol,I'm a-laughin' already, consider it done.
Doc

JerryPat,
Lol, who me? Stir up trouble? Nope, ain't got a mean bone in my body, just some funny ones.
Doc

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

11 posted 2011-07-19 09:25 PM

Y'know, one's gotta love a man on a [sub]mission...

omg, Doc...what are you doing to me!?

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

12 posted 2011-07-19 10:17 PM

As Doc Moose has so vocally stated
His replies can  be meager at best
But replies can be quite overrated
If they don't pass the quality test.

Some replies made can shine like a comet.
They can make the poem's proud author smile
While some others can make a man vomit
Lacking both in their substance or style.

The replies made from friendship are many
Just a nice way of saying hello
But since Moose doesn't seem to have any
He won't get any there, don't you know???

Some applaud how a poet is witty
Or reply to a poem's design
How the poet presented his ditty
How he fashioned the flow of each line..

But since Moose's attempts are quite witless
No replies of that mode will be found.
As a slugger of words he is hitless
Even though   there's no one on the mound.

So, without any friends to support him
And without any peers to applaud
It is easy for one to abort him
And leave him at the mercy of God.

If you think that my thoughts are not valid
Or seem harsh toward the good Doctor Moose
You are right - Doc can toss out a ballad
That can grab hearts and never turn loose.

He has wit that is envied by many.
He can wound with his words and then cure.
He is bright as a new, shiny penny
And his poems are our soup du jour.

Doc, regardless of how many bless  you
With their comments or faint words of praise
Rest assured we will always address you
As our mentor in so many ways.

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 1149
Bangalore,India

13 posted 2011-07-19 11:55 PM

Its a good contest i suppose Dr.Moose.

"The secret behind survival of mankind is kindness and love within our hearts"

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

14 posted 2011-07-20 08:43 AM

Lol, good one Sunshine.
Doc

Prasad,
Thanks, Ok well, it's not really a contest, it was meant to be funny, though I admit, sometimes my definition of "funny" may not be quite the same as others, lol.
Doc

As my friend Balladeer has expounded
my replies as he says are quite few
They reflect not so much what I'm reading
more like what I might say if I do

I have polished this craft with great patience
yet still stumble about what to say
When it comes to anothers' submission
then my tongue seems to get in the way

I'll let slide about calling me "witless"
the protection program is for me
and the part about calling me "hitless"
as replies go is true as can be

Interaction was never my strong point
Social graces ? let's say not too good
But when tickling with words 'till you're laughing?
You can call me an ol' pecker-wood

For in that I take great satisfaction
If'n I can help lighten a load
By providing a little distraction
With some humor served up ala mode

It ain't much but it's all I can offer
On this point I am really sincere
And I thank you for all your forbearance
and that goes for you too, Balladeer

Doc

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

15 posted 2011-07-20 09:58 AM

Besides - We can always create a little subterfuge and skew the data by responding to our own posts. We'll have to talk to Ron about rewriting the software to eliminate personal responses to our own work if we're going to get actual results.

He'll probably get to that soon..

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

16 posted 2011-07-20 10:45 AM

An excellent point Nan, but in my contest it would be counter-productive , for if I eliminated my own replies, my actual score would be much lower. I'm still goin' for that trophy, lol.
Doc

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

17 posted 2011-07-20 01:59 PM

lol ... great poem, although your tallying up way to many replies here.

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

18 posted 2011-07-20 04:20 PM

Michael,
Lol, welcome back. I could really relate to your "Self Portrait", every once in a while
it's not necessarily a "bad" thing to turn the camera around and try to put things in perspective. It can however at times be painful while at the same time being cathartic, thus we grow. Be well.
Doc

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

19 posted 2011-07-22 04:20 PM

Oh, Doc... LOL I don't think you're going to be awarded that title! Just this thread has you slipping terribly in the standings! LOL

Love your humor! *S*

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

20 posted 2011-07-22 04:39 PM

suthern,
Thanks gal, it's my priveledge, but I'm still banking on that trophy, last I knew I'm the only one in the running, lol.
Doc

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

21 posted 2011-07-22 06:17 PM

Thanks for the welcoming back, doc. I'm not sure how cathartic my "poor me" poetry really can be... but it does allow me to bleed out my lesser cherished emotions. One day, just for you, I will post something purely positive and cheerful. You have my word on that.

Michael

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

22 posted 2011-07-22 08:20 PM

Michael,
Thanks for that. As cliched as it sounds the human spirit, if nothing else, is more resilient than you may be giving credit to right now. We've all got our demons, it's how we deal with them that matters. Don't beat yourself up too bad, as a wise man once said, "shit happens". If I get censored
for that, given the context, someone needs to reset the parameters.
Doc

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

23 posted 2011-07-22 09:56 PM

I don't know about that contest, Dr, Moose but you have a faithful reader here.
Ida

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

24 posted 2011-07-23 07:14 AM

Thank you Ida, you are very kind.
Doc

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member

since 2008-02-28

Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA

25 posted 2011-07-24 01:24 PM

LOL! How can you be so sure?

Uncas
Member

since 2010-07-30

Posts 408

26 posted 2011-07-24 02:45 PM

If you take out my entries in the discussion forums and look at the Open Forums only, then my average is 3.33 replies per poem.

Do I get a 'Worlds Worst Poet' badge?

[This message has been edited by Uncas (07-24-2011 08:00 PM).]

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

27 posted 2011-07-24 07:46 PM

Some of us even come back as repeat responder offenders!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

28 posted 2011-07-24 08:06 PM

Oh Alison...now what makes you think Doc might not appreciate an offense or two? Or more?

ebonygirl
Member Elite

since 2011-07-14

Posts 2000
California U.S.A

29 posted 2011-07-24 10:02 PM

Mine makes posting number 29.
Nice poem Mr.Doc
Ebonygirl

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

30 posted 2011-07-24 10:25 PM

Dang Uncas, I thought for sure I had this, man if you got 3.33 it's yours, lol. I'm just going to have to think of another contest.
Doc

Alison
No! No! This is not what I'm going for here!Anyone who further responds to this posting will be subject to Alien abduction, marshmellow pelting and some type of verbal abuse which I have not yet determined.
Doc

Sunshine,
Lol, well there you go, jumping right in there with Alison and messing up my score, durn it!
If'n it was anyone else I'd prob'ly be upset.
Doc

Ebonygirl,
Thank you again for your comments. It's my pleasure
to try to give you a laugh.
Doc

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