I Wrote a Poem for You - Villanelle

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JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

0 posted 2011-07-16 07:54 AM

I composed a poem and sent it to you,
You had the nerve to ask what did it mean,
Gave you all my love; told how it grew.

My heart, my passion, a poetry coup,
And now you're acting like a haughty queen,
I composed a poem and sent it to you.

My love, such insensitive words you threw,
Why, oh why, my dear did you start a scene?
Gave you all my love; told how it grew.

My misguided poem on the wind it blew,
You ripped it asunder after you'd seen,
I composed a poem and sent it to you.

I listen to the vile words that you spewed,
I need a drink and it won't be caffeine,
Gave you all my love; told how it grew.

You make me feel like a old worn out old shoe,
Why'd you do what you did, you are obscene.
I composed a poem and sent it to you,
Gave you all my love; told how it grew.

~ Employ teenagers while they know everything. ~

[This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (07-16-2011 10:16 AM).]

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2011-07-16 10:09 AM

It hurts, dear Jerry, it hurts. I think you did a great job with this Villanelle, it is so impressive that I want to reach out with a comforting hug!

The rhyme scheme echoes most beautifully.

Love,
Margherita

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

2 posted 2011-07-16 10:18 AM

Thanks so much, Margherita. I like the Villanelle, but it has taken me awhile to get close to perfecting it, your nice thoughts boosted my ego a bit. I appreciate it.

~ Employ teenagers while they know everything. ~

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

3 posted 2011-07-16 10:22 AM

I liked it too Jerry, yep it is the kind of words that make me want to give you a hug too. Good write.
Lori

[This message has been edited by Lori Grosser Rhoden (07-16-2011 11:36 AM).]

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

4 posted 2011-07-16 11:03 AM

Whoopee! I'm getting hugged a lot this morning. what a way to start the day. Thanks, Lori.

~ Employ teenagers while they know everything. ~

Word Weaver
Member

since 2011-03-06

Posts 437
California, USA

5 posted 2011-07-16 02:04 PM

Unrequited love written in such an artfully painful way.I hope you've gone past it/her and moved on dear Jerry. What you offered should have been appreciated. I have to remind myself it's just a poem but all poetry is based on some truth.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

6 posted 2011-07-16 02:13 PM

I've moved on, dear Marcia, but there was enough remaining within to conjure up this poem.

Thanks for being here.

~ Eggs and bacon, honeymoon style / What's honeymoon style? / Straight up and hard. ~

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 1149
Bangalore,India

7 posted 2011-07-18 01:35 AM

One reason I’ve always hesitated to express love, fine writing this, Jerry.

"The secret behind survival of mankind is kindness and love within our hearts"

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

8 posted 2011-07-18 06:49 AM

You have a point, Prasad, still, never venture, never gain.

Thank you for being here.

~ Eggs and bacon, honeymoon style / What's honeymoon style? / Straight up and hard. ~

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

9 posted 2011-07-21 10:13 PM

Catching up on reading in here, went down the line and saw this..
A difficult form, JP..but you done good, as ridgerunners around where I live, say.

enjoyed

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

10 posted 2011-07-21 10:25 PM

Thanks, ice, but after I reread it I can't believe that I put this line in and left it. . .

"You make me feel like a old worn out old shoe,"

. . . and now I can't change it because it has been there too long. Oh well, thank you for overlooking it and saying nice things about the poem.

~ Eggs and bacon, honeymoon style / What's honeymoon style? / Straight up and hard. ~

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

11 posted 2011-07-21 10:26 PM

I enjoy Villanelles...have written a few myself. Not an easy task. You didn't seem to have many problems with it, and it made me think that I may have executed mine without the requirements expected.

I'll have to check them out, maybe rewrite them.

As always, I suspect this one was wrenched from the heart...you do that, you know, make it all seem so real.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

12 posted 2011-07-21 10:36 PM

Hello Sunshine. Well, heck, most of my stuff I reach back to that checkered life I have lived, there are enough incidents I can pull from that will serve me forever. Her name was Laura and she was from San Louis Obispo, California. Many, many, years ago.

Thank you so much for being here.

~ Eggs and bacon, honeymoon style / What's honeymoon style? / Straight up and hard. ~

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

13 posted 2011-07-22 08:41 AM

I knew what youi meant to say, JP

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

14 posted 2011-07-22 08:43 AM

Thanks again, Ice.

~ Eggs and bacon, honeymoon style / What's honeymoon style? / Straight up and hard. ~

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