Water Woman (edited - again)

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Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

0 posted 2011-06-12 03:21 AM

Water Woman

While she lifts her pails from the spring
Dew drops dampen tendrils of hair
Eyes seek gifts that early dawn brings

Magpies squawk off key songs they sing
Watch her move from high tree limbs bare
While she lifts her pails from the spring

Fairy violets grow in a ring
Fragrance spirals to fill the air
Eyes seek gifts that early dawn brings

Old growth trees line up in a string
Nature’s bounty gives life to share
While she lifts her pails from the spring

Grateful eyes absorb everything
Land, plentiful, offers its fare
Eyes seek gifts that early dawn brings

Arced to the sun swallows take wing
Morning forgives yesterday’s cares
Eyes seek gifts that early dawn brings
While she lifts her pails from the spring

…

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (06-13-2011 12:48 AM).]

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

1 posted 2011-06-12 04:28 AM

Alison, this is so beautiful that it makes me want to be the water woman carrying buckets from the spring.

Smiles and hugs
Owl

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

2 posted 2011-06-12 05:26 AM

Alison
You have done very well with this difficult form. The Villanelle is a delight when the structure is complimented by beautiful thoughts.
I enjoyed reading it.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

3 posted 2011-06-12 09:27 AM

Excellent villanelle. You rhyming was superb and I dearly loved the line "Morning forgave yesterday’s cares."

~ Those are my principles, and if you don't like them ... well, I have others. ~

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

4 posted 2011-06-12 09:45 AM

Alison, great job! this is delightful. The imagery is rich and inviting. And the rhymes flowed so smoothly, it took me a minute to realize you were working within a structured style. I enjoy your writing very much.

Lori

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

5 posted 2011-06-12 02:53 PM

Owly woman I love -

Thank you.  I woke up this morning realizing I wanted to make some necesary changes.  Who would have thought that I'd be counting in my sleep.  Love you lots.

A

-

Ice,

Thank you too for pulling a line that I liked too.  And thank you for reading and taking the time to share your thoughts.

Alison

-

JP,

Thank you too. Maybe one day, I'll 'get' this form.  I keep trying.

A

-

Lori,

What a wonderful thing to say that you didn't realize right away that I was following a form.  I love enjoy your poetry too, LGR.

A

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

6 posted 2011-06-12 05:41 PM

OK, Alison - now that you have edited it, I want to be the woman who lifts her pails from the spring.

I love the changes, but I loved the original too - perhaps that calls for another poem where she is carrying pails from the spring.

Smiles
Owl

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

7 posted 2011-06-12 05:44 PM

Owl,

We'll be bucket ladies together. I'll write a poem about us.

xxoxo
A

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

8 posted 2011-06-12 05:47 PM

This is quite simply magical, dear Alison.

It is a poem, a painting, a tune, a whisper divine, all in one.

The beauty of this will linger within my heart.

Love,
Margherita

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

9 posted 2011-06-12 06:17 PM

Thank you, Margherita. Your words always fill me with love from you. It's a special thing you bring to my life. Pure love - that's our Margherita.

xoxoxo
Alison

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

10 posted 2011-06-13 05:28 AM

You're a better woman than I am, Alison. I have never even attempted a villanelle.
Ida

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

11 posted 2011-06-13 02:04 PM

What a lovely idea, Alison! I'd love to be a bucket lady with you in a poem of yours. Smiles.

Hugs
Owl

soul drifter
Senior Member

since 2004-09-08

Posts 711
Colorado

12 posted 2011-06-13 07:35 PM

just beautiful and actually sounded like a song in my head, very mysterious, hushed and filled with the lushness of spring. Also dig the rhyme scheme! I'm gonna have to rip that off sometime

divine chaos
Senior Member

since 2006-07-09

Posts 617
dancing 'neath the moon

13 posted 2011-06-14 12:37 PM

lovely write, m'dear

I love the villanelle, I'm not so great at writing them though lol

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw
~Calvin & Hobbes

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

14 posted 2011-06-21 02:45 AM

Ida,

Thank you.  I have been trying to write a decent Villanelle for years.  I hope one day ....

Alison

-

Diana,

We'll bucket together one day soon.

A

-

soul drifter,

Thank you so much.  It's not an original style that I created.  It's a Villanelle.  Yo can google the word or look it up in the Poetry Workshop here at PiP.

Again, thank you lots.
Alison

-

Shelly!  Where the hell did you come from.  I have missed you, lovely one.  You write splendid stuff for sure and I'd love to read your poetry again.

Thank you for bringing me to PiP.  As you can see, I love it here.

xoxox
Alison

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

15 posted 2011-06-23 11:47 PM

Enjoyed...James

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

16 posted 2011-06-24 12:38 PM

Thank you, dear JM.

A

Dr.Moose1
Member Elite

since 1999-09-05

Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA

17 posted 2011-06-24 07:39 AM

Very nice Alison, I was wondering what you had been up to. "Arced to the sun swallows take wing"...
Doc

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

18 posted 2011-06-24 10:12 AM

Hey Doc,

Thank you. Just trying to follow the big shoes.

A

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

19 posted 2011-06-24 12:04 PM

jecvkoff and jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of company water
jecvkoff drowned and the word going around
is that jill still just bursts out in laughter

how you made such a lovely poem from these siberian news headlines is amazing

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

20 posted 2011-06-24 06:54 PM

No much else to do here in the hinterlands, Dark. Well, not much that is okay to put on the Open Forum anyway.

Ali-san

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

21 posted 2011-06-25 03:43 PM

Beautifully done, Alison...like pouring water again and again and finding it always fresh.

D.Lester Young
Senior Member

since 2001-12-08

Posts 1219
Austin, Tx

22 posted 2011-06-26 12:53 PM

Your flowing pail of Uni-Verse is a delight to spring a heartbeat into a spring smile.

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 1149
Bangalore,India

23 posted 2011-07-01 05:32 AM

Very scenic poetry, “Eyes seek gifts that early dawn brings” such beautiful words.

"Hardwork pays in the long run"

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

24 posted 2011-07-09 07:40 PM

I am especially fond of:

"Morning forgives yesterday’s cares
Eyes seek gifts that early dawn brings..."

fine 'penning' !!

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

25 posted 2011-07-16 01:03 AM

Martie,

Thank you for reading this and taking the time to comment on it.  Your comments make the poem even more fresh.

Thank you again,
Alison

-

D.Lester Young

You brought a smile to me.  Thank you for enjoying this.

Alison

-

Prasad Nataraj

I am glad that you 'saw' when you read this poem.  I love nature and was trying to paint a picture with this poem.

Thank you.
Alison

-

Dear Bruce,

Thank you.

Alison

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

26 posted 2011-07-16 01:25 PM

I missed the first edition of this Allison, but this version is beautiful. You paint well with your words.

Michael

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

27 posted 2011-07-20 02:45 PM

I'm not sure what was there before your edits. *S* But the end result is delightful! Villanelles often remind me of me trying to get out the door on some of my worst days, when I keep forgetting something and have to go back time after time. *S* But when they're done right, they're enchanting... this is excellent!

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

28 posted 2011-07-20 11:18 PM

Michael and Ruth,

You both made me feel pretty good today when I popped this open. I really appreciate your words and you both for reading my poems.

Thank you.
Alison

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