They talk a lot about the towns back in the old wild west.
The big ones and the small ones and the ones considered best
But few can hold a candle to the one that made the claim
To be the baddest of them all....and PIPTOWN was it's name.

The characters were colorful as peacocks in the zoo..
And hospitality was free to wranglers passing through.
Let's take a quick trip back in time to PIPTOWN at it's best
And meet the folks that made the town a legend of the West.

It had itself two waterin' holes - Docs' Thirsty Moose Saloon
With poker games and fights and honky tonk piano tunes.
Hey, Doc! Let's tell the tenderfeet 'bout how it used to be
When every night brought on a fight and drinks were never free.

**********************
Dr. Moose1
**********************

Comes a time there be a reckonin' fer most folk so's I swear
The ol' west was a dandy time fer those of us was there
The men folk didn't pay much heed to laws 'cause what was right
Was often settled with a gun on any given night

Some said it was the whisky I served up in my saloon
Done made 'em act so crazy they'd drink right from a spitoon
But I think it was wimmin got their skivvies in a bunch
And one gal in partic'lar, thet's my educated hunch

She done called herself "Serenity" an' my, that girl was fine
She run herself a "boardin'" house jest two doors down from mine
A classy joint from all accounts, at least or so's I've heard
Free stylin' some fine poetry an' doin' spoken word.

But I don't want to say too much lest you think it's a crock
So, anytime that you're in "Piptown" folks,stop in at Docs'.

You'll like it here in Piptown folks, a prosperous little place
Like most of all these gold rush towns we're growin' at a pace
That's faster'n a pirate'll make you part with a dubloon
so step into my waterin' hole, Docs' Thirsty Moose Saloon

I'm doin' a bit of hirin' to wait on the clientele
I need a barkeep right away and'd like one that can spell
The hours are long, the pay's not good, but poets don'tcha know
By now you should be used to it, so who'll give 'er a go?

If ticklin' the ol' ivories be more your stock an' trade
My honky tonk piano's 'bout the finest ever made
Again, it pays right poorly, but, you get to keep your tips
An' use my old revolver with the pearl handled grips

'Cause the sign may say "Piano Player, kindly please don't shoot!"
But most these cowpokes they cain't read an' couldn't give a hoot.

At the other end of town, Tall Sally's was the place to go
Some say she killed a man but that was many years ago.
Tall Sally had a winning smile to melt a cowboy's heart
And folks still talk about the day she met up with Big Bart.

Two-fisted Pete and Big Bart! How that story has been told!
A tale that will cause a gasp and make one's blood run cold.
Hey, Sally! Step up to the mike and let these kind folks know
Just how that whole thing happened all those many years ago.

*****************
Earth Angel
*****************


South of the border lived two-fisted Pete.
He liked his rum straight and his scotch whisky neat.
He wore a bandana 'round his 10-gallon hat,
And a vest that was made from pelts of polecat.

Each notch on his gun belt was a life he did take,
For those who dared cross him, made their final mistake.
He was a mean hombre with eyes glinting steel,
~A man made of rock without heart that could feel.

He spewed vile words through tobacco-stained teeth,
And stomped on the graves of those six feet deep.
His bloodstream was cold and running with ice,
No man ever lived to cross Bad Pete twice.

One scorching day, a ranger rode into town,
He asked the townsfolk if Pete was around.
A cowboy pointed to the beaten-down bar,
As the sun of high noon lit the ranger’s tin star.

Bart tethered his horse at Tall Sally’s Saloon,
Then spat dusty spit in a big brass spittoon.
As he swung the doors open, he peered inside,
And saw the marked man push his whiskey aside.

The ranger approached him with his hand on his gun.
He looked in the eyes of the man on the run.
They were evil and vacant and as black as coal,
~He walked with the devil and sold him his soul.

Two-fisted Pete pushed his table away,
And snarled at the ranger, “You just made my day!"
Big Bart then halted and stopped in his tracks,
For down came a shower of crumpled greenbacks.

An amply-built woman leaned over the railing.
“Stay away from my Pete!” Tall Sally was wailing.
“You can have all my money and even the bar!
~But don’t touch a hair on that man with the scar!”

As Pete raised his gun and aimed at Bart’s head,
All of Sal's patrons scrambled and fled.
Soon there resounded a thunderin' boom,
As the bullet ricocheted throughout the saloon.

The ranger then thanked his lucky tin star,
~ Pete’s aim had been poor and had missed him by far!
He picked up the greenbacks and ran out the door,
And hasn’t been seen in that town anymore.

Concubine Sally then raced down the stairs,
Climbed on Pete’s lap and bared all her wares.
He pinched her plump bottom and slobbered a kiss,
~ He had a big soft spot for this tall, painted Miss.

The patrons returned with each wearing a grin.
Pete poured his gal Sal a glass of straight gin.
Poorly-told jokes crudely spread through the room,
As they knocked back their drinks in Tall Sally’s Saloon.

The Doc had mentioned earlier about Serenity
Who ran the greatest baudy house a man could ever see.
The gals who plied their trade were always of the highest class
And cowpokes knew that they were more than just a piece of lass.

They didn't have the moral strangulation of today.
When cowboys needed comfort, all they had to do was pay.
Come tell us how it was, dear girl, back when the west was fun
And when men came to shoot it wasn't always with their gun!

****************
Serenity
****************

It weren't much but dust back then
but I knew gin and I knew men
and quite a lotter 'widows" who
knew just how to mix the two.

A California widow (sez myself)
dusted cobwebs off the shelf
and started trade with just a smile
and some underwear, with style.

We didn't have no music then,
so I sang and carried tunes
in the buckets and spittoons
and all of 'em were slightly bent.

I traded with the thirsty ones--
they'd give me linens from their wives.
I'd stitch the lace till it become
something fancy, something fine.

I never had no mirror, no.
Those were just on tv shows.
Nobody ever wanted to
look at them or lookit you.

The bar came from a lumbermill
up from Appalachiay;
it took ten Injuns and ten days
for my girls to work that pay.

Eight years of that, with no boardwalk.
All those hands and all that talk.
I found m'self a comanche
girl that looked Egyptian, she

sure knew how to line her eyes.
The men sure liked the foreigners,
so that's the way that I sold her--
it weren't the truth but wasn't lies.

Once the stagecoach came to town
I gambled on some credit due.
I bought the place the next door down,
and that became the "wantin' booth."

Girls were plenty, women more.
Men died early, and left us poor.
I bought a bathtub from a {hoe-er}
who liked to soak her men...before.

That girl had uncommon sense.

I can't say that I've been good.
I did all what I thought I could.
To hell with all the oughts and should--
a lady makes her livelihood.

"Lively" makes life busy-ness.

I finally got the mirror, though,
but by that time I was too old
to wanna take a long look-see--
I had the damned thing for three weeks

'till a bullet did 'er in.

It wasn't like a big shoot-out.
Just one guy, who saw himself
keeping company with doubt
who shot his image all to hell.

Loneliness can breed bad sin.

I left the place to that Injun,
the one I called the Egyptian--
for all the time and good intent
she never did much like the men.

She loved me till I died.


Rumors flew about the two, Serenity and the Doc.
I'd heard them but I always thought it was a bunch of crock
So, one fine day, I asked her point-blank, if the tales were true
She smiled and said these words to me and that was when I knew..


***************
Serenity
***************

Now 'Doc was a fine gentleman
but he had quibbles just the same.
He liked a snort of un-di-lute,
He liked a sportin' poker game.

Doc spent some time there in his bar--
and if he weren't? He wasn't far.
There was always restlessness
and Doc was there to clean the mess.

I'm gettin' all emotional.
Doc was a man, and kept control.
He always held his head up high--
he'd fold his hand and he would sigh.

"Dammit, I had Aces high"
He'd cuss to some poor dyin' guy,
and clean his scalpel with cheap rye
and mutter "here's mud in yer eye"

before he laced up life.

The only man I ever liked
as much as I loved him.

The townfolk always thought Doc and Serenity would wed
But fate can take some doozy turns and shake things up, instead.
A stranger came to town one day and made off with her heart.
I'll let him tell it in his words...the floor's all yours, Black Bart.

***************
Katahdin
***************

They call me Black Bart
My duds are as black as my heart
I'm the fastest gun in this here west
Every cowpoke is wantin' to put me to the test

I jist moseyed into this here "Piptown"
Thought I'd have me a good look around
Doc's Thirsty Moose Saloon looked mighty fine
At Serenity's "boardin' house", she'd show me a good time

First I was a needin' a good glass of whisky
But wit my reputation I knew it'd be risky
O'l Doc, I says, "Git me a glass,
Make it clean and make it fast."

Then I saw him out the corner of my eye
I was a hopin' the greenhorn would jist pass on by
But I could see he was jist itchin' fer a fight
And they'd be a buryin' him tonight

He was a cussin' at me and sloshing his beer
Then called me some coward name like "Balladeer"
So I looked him straight in the eye
And said, "Boy...you lookin' ta die!"

We'll be a meetin' in the street at noon
And that time came real soon
My gun hand was a twitchin' as I stared him down
I was a thinkin' he should'a left town

As the town clock struck the time of day
I whipped out my pistol and fired away
I thought I'd wing him, teach him a lesson
Let him know wit who he was a messin'

When the smoke cleared, I seen he weren't hurt
There was a pain in my side and red stainin' my shirt
Then the light grew dark and my head to spin
Damn, that there cowpoke had gone and done me in

I awoke to see Sweet Serenity's face
Doc had carted me off to her place
He said, "Yer were lucky this time son."
"Maybe it's time ya give up yer gun."

Then he patched me up right
And said I was good fer the night
Serenity said, "Honey won't ya stay fer a spell?"
"Anything fer you darlin', I said, "Ya jist wait till I git well!"

Next thing I knew we was wed
My life as a gunfighter was dead
It was time fer me to settle down
So, now I'm the sheriff of this two-bit town

'Bout once a month all heard the sound of squeaky wagon wheels
And knew that here came Alison with her snake oil spiels.
That gal sold everything on earth to cure a cowboy's ills
And made them feel that Heaven could be found inside her pills.

She set up shop right out in front of LongJohn's livery stable,
Spread out her pills and ointments on a redwood picnic table.
A voice as smooth as butter and some poetry, as well,
The cowboys parted with their cash while held beneath her spell.

*************
Alison
*************

Yer too bald; ya got gout?
Yer real short ‘n yer stout?
That fat ole wart on yer chin
Well, it’s real ugly as sin!
Ain’t got no wimmen in years
They look ‘n snicker ‘n sneer?

You ask me jist what kin I do?
I got ‘n elixier fer you.

Ya say yer hair’s fallin’ out?
Yer man’s a lazy ole lout.
He shore put stink on yer skin;
Don’t wanna know where he’s been?
You break out in them pimple hives
Every time he comes ridin’ on by?

He’s puttn’ wrinkles on yer face?
With my cream they leave with no trace.

C’mon ‘n step up to my tent
My potent is heaven sent
For you it is only two bits
For them two bits you can git it

When you got an ache in your teeth
‘N yer wife is snorin’ a heap,
Yer butt jest keeps achin’ with hurt
‘N yer crack is filled up with dirt.
Yer bunions throbbin’ in yer boots?
Yer trigger finger’s got no shoot?

Well, I can’t parlay here all day
For powder you jist gotta pay

This stealin’ deal is jist for today
Cause I am headin’ out on my way

Today when you pay.

We had a circus come in once, the big top tent and all
With Faithmairee on her trapeze. It was sensational.

********************
Faithmairee
********************
the circus comes to PIP town
lordy, who is it we see
there's that gal faithmairee
swinging on the trapeze

She was a big gal on the wire. It wasn't very strong.
I know the poem is kinda short but that girl's fall was long!!!

No town could be complete without an undertaker there
Mysteria was PIPTOWN's, one fine gal beyond compare.
She made a real good living, thanks to Linda and Doc Moose
And smiled a smile of utter joy when she heard guns cut loose!

***************
Mysteria
***************

Soon as sparks got to flying in Doc's "Thirsty Moose Saloon,"
I'd count all my blessings 'til tomorrow's high noon.
Nightfall brought out a pick and old burlap sacks,
Then I'd go to the clearing by old Maude and Jack's.

By flickering lantern light in the pitch dark of night
I never stopped digging 'til dawn's early light.
Stuffing the body in a sack soaked in high noon's mud,
I'd count the shekels I made on this poor shot's blood.

Around town people scattered to tell their tall tales
The saloon overflowed with bitter-tongued males.
The best I could hope for was more conflict tonight.
Better dig another hole just in case there's a fight!

Boot Hill sat outside of town with graves all in a row.
Their tombstones gave the history of those who lay below.
Some were funny, some were sad, some were kinda strange
But all ofthem gave tribute to folks' last home on the range.

************
Earth Angel
************

Here lies Pete
who lost his mind.
Died from drinking
hemlock wine ~
made by wrath-filled
concubine,
who drew up will
then made him sign!

I remember when I first saw Boot Hill, many years ago.
The place was filled with names of people that I didn't know.
But one thing struck my fancy as I noticed something rare
And that's when I first heard of PIPTALK's hero, Balladeer.

*****************
Balladeer
*****************

I walked around in Tombstone Cemetery late last year
Taking a gawk at all the stones of people buried there.
There were Joneses, Adamses, Johnsons, too, far as the eye could see
And then I spied one tombstone with the single letter "T".

"That's odd", I thought. Perhaps the rest of that name had been lost
Or, maybe, it is not a "T" but symbol of the cross.
That must be it! I smiled, but just before I turned to go
My eyes fell on another tombstone with the letter "O".

The next tombstone beside it had the single letter "E",
And, by this time, I was obsessed with curiosity!
Then "R", then "A", then "G" appeared. Now mystified was I.
I grabbed the arm of Mysteria as she was passing by.

"Hey, ma'am", I said. "I see six graves - one letter on the stones.
Don't seem a right, respectful way to treat those poor folks' bones."
"No that ain't it. Those bones belong to one man in the same,
Some foolish drifter passing through, uh, Toerag was his name."

"That silly fool rode into town - this really is absurd-
And challenged our dear Balladeer into a war of words.
He'd heard back home, across the sea, that Balladeer was best
And so he journeyed over here to put him to the test."

"They met at noon on Main Street with their pens and paper drawn,
For three long hours they fired their quips until the duel was done.
My sons and I dug all night long. I mean, we worked like slaves.
Balladeer cut him up so bad we had to use six graves!!!"

So that's the way it was, my friends, when PIPTOWN ruled the west.
Just give me that small piece of heaven. You can keep the rest.
PIPTOWN lives within the hearts of cowboys everywhere
And no one will forget the strong camraderie we share.

I thank you all for stopping by and sharing in our fun.
We have our duels but they are fought by word instead of gun.
You can be sure you'll find a friend each time you come along
And Doc can end our story with a little PIPTOWN song..

**************
Dr.Moose1
**************


There ain't nothin' that is wrong
in comin' here to post poetry
I know y'all got tales to tell
so while you write yourself a poem I'll bang these keys
an' have a drink on thee.


(chorus)
Long tall Sally, she an' her man ol' Pete
got to likin' Piptown, set up shop too
Long tall Sally, we sure like your Saloon
I been singin' all night long 'bout the two of you

The fun ain't nearly just begun
an' we got gypsy woman Alison
Black Bart fer a sheriff now
fun is all that matters, wouldn't you agree?
an' have a drink on me

(chorus)

Mysteria's a'diggin' nights
buryin' the dead so handily
those slow guns who done went bye-bye
She done laid their bodies down, they're history
so have a drink on me!