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Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

0 posted 2009-12-12 02:47 PM

Cleansing

Don’t be fooled by
Some foolish game
Or led astray by buttered lies.
If it aint true then it aint real.
Another hard twist
of the thumbscrew and
you may find some honesty.
That’s the point of it.

Suffering for the pains sake,
For the cream
of the truth to rise up.

Enough for
your eyes to bleed.
But short of your palms
Turning up.

Cut through the weekness,
Trim away society’s fat.
Stare so hard at your shadows,
You make your pain a flashlight.

What are you dragging?

Zeitgeist

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

1 posted 2009-12-12 03:29 PM

let me say this... "wow!

SlowlyFallAway
Member

since 2008-08-29

Posts 279
North Carolina

2 posted 2009-12-12 05:36 PM

"Stare so hard at your shadows
you make your pain a flashlight"

Amazing lines. Loved it.

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

3 posted 2009-12-12 07:35 PM

..."Suffering for the pains sake,
For the cream
of the truth to rise up"...

An elegant line amid a very eclectic write.
Interesting theme.

LindsayP
Member Elite

since 2007-07-28

Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria

4 posted 2009-12-12 08:34 PM

Don’t be fooled by
Some foolish game
Or led astray by buttered lies.
If it aint true then it aint real.

How right you are Zeigiest, they are words of wisdom. enjoyable write.

Lindsay

Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

5 posted 2009-12-12 09:24 PM

Thank you everyone for your warm replies. It truly has me overwhelmed! I enjoy this place and you all very much.

Z.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

6 posted 2009-12-14 11:57 AM

Gosh! You have several creatively scribed truisms in this cleansing poem! Well done!

Giving you a warm, welcoming pip hug,

Earth Angel

Earl Brinkman
Senior Member

since 2010-03-03

Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan

7 posted 2010-03-13 07:12 AM

I have never read a work like this before - four stanzas that stand on their own but are somehow connected I believe by the theme of cleansing. The vocabulary you have used was well chosen and the images that you have created were vivid if at times a bit grotesque. Grotesque they may be but they do leave a lasting impression. My only question is by asking the reader what weight they are carrying around are you indirectly suggesting that they are in need of cleansing?

Zeigeist
Member

since 2009-12-09

Posts 311
Michigan

8 posted 2010-03-13 12:58 PM

Thank you Earl, Yes you are correct about the last line. The past can be a heavy weight and clogging up the present with its filth. Cleansing is sometimes the solution.

Zeitgeist

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