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tickle monster
| Open Poetry #45 |
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tickle monster |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. 
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I could feel your ribs they were short and strong and I asked them questions gently they refused to answer as you gritted your teeth I could feel your ribs they writhed, but only a little as you gritted your teeth before letting out a laugh you never had me fooled I could see the ticklish in the green swirling universe of your eyes _________________________________ Bad Habits. I'm tired as blank. Paul I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really. [This message has been edited by viking_metal (11-16-2009 10:05 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 Paul Weisbrod - All Rights Reserved | |||
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I like this because you share in a way that is unique to you. It's hard to describe, but I love your poetry. And ... get some sleep so you won't be tired as blank! A |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I think your second verse was perfect on its own~~ M |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
alabaster sunshine... thanks very much.  I am glad that you like it. |
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AncientHippie Member
since 2009-10-15
Posts 411Surfing the Cosmic Flow |
Good stuff here, Paul. I can see your development in each piece. You are one of the poets on this forum that I look forward to reading. Well done. Jim "We are stardust: we are golden: and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden." --Joni Mitchell "Woodstock" |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
nakedness nakedness, thank you. I like the second stanza as well. Paul I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Enjoyed every line! *S* |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I have to agree with Maureen, your second stanza could have stood on its own, and told the entire story, which I loved! |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Jim, thanks very much. Those are encouraging words. Uncommonly kind, you are, sir. Suthern, thank you for reading. I am glad you liked it! Mysteria, I am beginning to agree with you both more and more. Thanks for reading! The support I get from the 5-10 people that always read is mountainous. You keep me writing. Paul I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really. |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
...you will probably always have a poem tucked between your fingers in the grip of a pen or the stroke of a keyboard, but I like especially that this one came to life between ribs.  Green universes...sounds like love to me!Karen |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thanks Karen. We'll find out sooner or later, won't we? Thanks so much for takin ya time ta read mah shtuff. Paul I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
viking_metal - I like this writing a lot, as it says what is says, and that is 'where be those ribs'... BC |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
thanks man. Glad you liked it, and I appreciate you reading it in the first place. I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really. |
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shalisadefa Member
since 2009-08-13
Posts 114 |
Although the second stanza is strong enough to stand on its own, I so much love these lines in the first one: "and I asked them questions gently they refused to answer" The anticipation before the tickle LOL |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
thanks for reading. I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really. |
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