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Open Poetry #45
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Mas814
Junior Member
since 2009-11-13
Posts 15
NY (not nyc)

0 posted 2009-11-13 06:40 PM



Detox of a soul
Can only occur
By engulfing it
In flames set
By its own demise

Circle around it
Hands clenched tight
And hum softly a lullaby
So the screaming cries
Of reality cannot escape

The detox of a soul
Well, it claims some casualties

Sprinkle the ashes
Over the cold
Body once posessed
And claim victory
For the battered heart
Has been put to rest

-M.A.S.

© Copyright 2009 Melanie Switalski - All Rights Reserved
Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1 posted 2009-11-13 07:28 PM


Yo Mas814,

This is a nice, hopeful thought.  I suppose it all depends what has poisoned the soul.

Welcome to the forum.  This is a good start.  

It's always nice to meet someone from the big apple.  It’s one of my favorite towns.

Bobby

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2009-11-13 08:44 PM


Hi Melanie. Welcome to Passions.

Great first posting here! I have been in rehab myself and what you say is true. I can relate.

Hope you enjoy it here!

Mas814
Junior Member
since 2009-11-13
Posts 15
NY (not nyc)
3 posted 2009-11-14 02:26 AM


thanks guys, im really new to this, so im still finding my comfort zone in the whole thing. I'm actually not from the big apple, i should probably change that since it is a little misleading. (sorry to disappoint) And i have never actually been to rehab, the whole concept is up for interpretation, so i'm really happy that you found an understanding in the poem. Thanks for the comments. I hope you read some more of my posts, and I will be sure to check out some of yours.

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
4 posted 2009-11-14 09:54 AM


Welcome to Pip, Melanie.

Your poetry is made of strong imagery. In my belief the soul is immortal and does not need detoxing. What needs detoxing is our personality, the ego aspects.

But you rendered your idea very well.


Love,
Margherita

Mas814
Junior Member
since 2009-11-13
Posts 15
NY (not nyc)
5 posted 2009-11-14 11:44 AM


great point on the idea of the personality being the problem areas,but at some points does it not feel like it has gotten so bad that the hardships have seeped all the way to your soul and that it needs to be cleaned and have a fresh start? Thank you for welcoming me, and also for your opinion. One of my favorite parts of poetry is hearing different interpretations of pieces of writing.
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
6 posted 2009-11-14 11:45 AM


Welcome to Pip!




ARCTIC WIND

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
7 posted 2009-11-14 11:49 AM


Hi, welcome aboard the pip ship Lollipip, as I affectionately refer to our "Family of Friends" that sail these seas of blue!

I read in your "Critique Comments" that writing makes you happy! That's a great start! Write for yourself ~ first and foremost! Then your writing rings true and with passion and is very believable. You are on the 'write' track!

Might I add, that I concur with Margherita's comments. (I usually do! lol)

Giving you a warm, welcoming pip hug,

Earth Angel



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