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Open Poetry #45
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Dream Tropicale
| Open Poetry #45 |
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Dream Tropicale |
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zaaclindsay Member
since 2009-08-12
Posts 111Ottawa Ontario |
silken wind flows through curtains wrapping the ocean's voice 'round your face breathing kisses across your smile I kept wondering why that frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger....and then it hit me. |
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| © Copyright 2009 David I Graf - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
That's very lovely imagery! M |
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GBride Senior Member
since 2009-07-02
Posts 538 |
I like the imagery! |
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GBride Senior Member
since 2009-07-02
Posts 538 |
okay, i would change silken wind to freezing wind, because I have never felt a silken wind, so it seems obtuse to me. But the poem itself is great. |
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zaaclindsay Member
since 2009-08-12
Posts 111Ottawa Ontario |
a silken wind is one that while you're lying in a field with your lover and the wind glides over you cool, fresh, and sensual, just enough to cool the sweat and let you know its there. zaac I kept wondering why that frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger....and then it hit me. |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
I liked the use of "silken wind." Its good to look for adjectives outside the realm of what we would normally use for description--that creates strong imagery, which you have here! (Man, do I sound like an English teacher or what? Well, that is what I am!) |
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