Open Poetry #45 |
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confessions of a martyr |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738![]() |
"After all I've done for you!" how sharper than a serpent's tooth I've heard these words. I've said them too. A rumination of "the truth" illuminates reality: These words negate the deeds we do and martyrs burn most seethingly. For "after all I've done for you"? Conveys intent--it was for me. Words, as deeds, can't be undone. Let us pray--the bell has rung... No gold, no coin indulgences can replace the things we've said. So let us not "forgive" the dead for they are freed from lusting flesh. It is the living that I dread -- insatiable, we never rest, for even as we sleep we dream of more, more, more to sate our greed. So come, I say, the bell has rung. Let's pray forgiveness for ourselves. Dirges? Yes. They must be sung. Thus, the dead bury themselves, with diversionary tacts in pretense -- the Book of Acts -- I pat myself upon my back clucking through my serpent tooth for "after all I've done for you" I should express my gratitude for you allowed me to feel good as I consoled myself with lies. |
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© Copyright 2009 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Chalmette Guy Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257Louisiana |
Wow, I can feel the emotions and the underlying power in this one. It's obvious that this poem has many layers. Almost painful and yet painfully triumphant. Your pal, CG. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks lovie. and nodding, it's a mixture--and it reads a bit too labored for my taste. <--there's a pun in there somewhere. ![]() sigh...cathartic poetry yanno ![]() Blasted Cathars! *laughing* I'm not crazy about it, but at least it's out of my head. (and yes, we all must suffer) *chuckle* |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Wow! How heavy that "after all I have done for you" can weigh on our hearts, indeed. Because one thinks that what we do for others, we do it out of love, not in an "exchange mode". That should be enough and as you say we ought to feel grateful for being given the opportunity to do and to be good. Powerful reflections, dear Karen! This is extraordinary work, something to read again and to ponder. Love, Margherita |
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Midnitesun![]()
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
So THIS is what I get after all I'VE done for you? lemon pie in the eye? you ungrateful sassy brat! By age 16, I stopped counting how often me mutter did utter such venomous snipes. ![]() |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
actually, I think I just bruised my thumb.. ![]() I came back to add: The first rule of Martyrclub is that you don't whine about being martyred. The second rule of Martyclub is that you don't whine about rule number one. ![]() |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo dear Serenity blaze, I like this one. Of course there are martyrs, and then there are martyrs. Love Bobby |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
quote: Indeed! Wow, Karen, Watching your writing grow over the years has been one of my greatest joys. |
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Sonofgloin Junior Member
since 2009-06-09
Posts 48Australia |
"for even as we sleep we dream of more, more, more to sate our greed". Just one keeper amongst the many, well done. |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
beautifully done, for one never knows what tomorrow may bring...besides, when we think about it, our differences are so silly are they not? Love ya Lee J. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I want to thank you all for reading, and yep, it's a mixture of mother angst and other angst. I haven't actually said those words to my kids--but I feel them. Michael? Whenever you pop in with such warm words for me, I'm a bit overwhelmed. You were the first poet I zoomed in on at Pip for study, so please know and trust how much your words mean to me. I hope you and your lovelies are well and happy, too. Now. I gotta go clean my room. (See? I follow my own rules...) ![]() |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Well, Karen, YOU may not like this one too much, but I DO! Smiles. Not just because of the content, but the poem in its entirety. I think it reads very well. I love its spontaneity and the catharsis, that even the readers feel! And I love its Karen flavour. Owl |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Poignant words for sure, and I'm also sure that we've all had our moments we've wanted to say those words. An honest poem so well written. heart2Heart |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
"I should express my gratitude for you allowed me to feel good as I consoled myself with lies" ...I am reminded of that old saying that says something like, "A person wrapped up in him/herself makes a very small package." ...except that you say if far more eloquently in these lines you've skillfully chosen for your ending...ah, 'tis never possible to un-ring the bell...excellent write |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice...the book of Proverbs...James |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
This made me laugh. (I hope that's okay) I think I would rather be slapped than reminded of how much someone has done for me. Ida |
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adagio Member
since 2005-03-19
Posts 449Marrero, La. |
Hey Karen this reminds me of something someone you know told me "You are really crying for yourself" well maybe that's true but isn't that always the case? |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
I missed you work! ~ You know I love it ![]() ARCTIC WIND |
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sandgrain Member Elite
since 1999-09-21
Posts 3662Sycamore, IL, USA |
This is great! I read it twice just to feel the irony and intensity of your well chosen words, Karen. I love it! It reminds me of one who said, "There is none as humble as I am." God bless, Rae |
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TinaTrivett Senior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 569 |
This is so powerful. So many times I've read your poetry...and it always seems to be a little puzzle piece that fits into my life situation at the moment. Amazing write. |
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HAZARD Junior Member
since 2009-06-24
Posts 40ENGLAND |
This is a paradoxical work on which, as yet, I have more thinking to do. As you untangle the chains of life and spirit with a volume of Shakespeare in one hand, and a New Testament in the other - bold moves from any writer - you collude a juggling act hard to follow. Ungratefulness riles! - 'let the dead bury the dead' heady stuff! You flicker from Martyr to Martyred - St. Paul discloses that it is only later generations that fully understood, through revelation, Christ's purpose - without plumbing theology - he says the elect were drawn from the crowd by this gift. And so the prophecy, 'let the dead bury the dead', is realized. The dead being the non elect. You portray 'Self Martyrdom', not state martyrdom, on both sides of the relationship. I like this idea of adding mysticism and belief to perhaps what was just a passing argument - obscured by darker ideas. Words martyr our tongues everyday! I feel you became an 'elect' at the price of someone else's sacrifice - a soul torn by you not showing gratitude 'Sharper than a serpents tooth ' those words rankle - and echo the lack of gratitude. Brilliantly twisted later as 'clucking through my Serpents tooth'. A flash of genius? To me certainly. Selfless acts (true altruism), expects nothing in return. A mentor has gone to the stake for a mere sensation! In shallowness - in contrast with the elect. And there lies the irony for me - a shirt of flame burning incandescent - burning in hate for something they never for a moment believed in.... A life scattered to ashes in anger - seething on the pyre - for how someone else behaved. Showing the total failure of altruism. Or just the snap of painful remarks... So many echoes, reflections, confessions and realizations here - a sharper wit I've yet to read - but I'm new and am just entering the PIP realm! You are certainly a fatal poet. One to watch out for. HAZARD [This message has been edited by HAZARD (06-26-2009 02:10 PM).] |
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Mysteria![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Loved the dissection above, especially this: You portray 'Self Martyrdom', not state martyrdom. I feel you became an 'elect' at the price of someone else's sacrifice - a soul torn by you not showing gratitude. Selfless acts, (true altruism), expect nothing in return. So I'm betting your mentor went to the stake for a mere sensation. Truer words were never spoken! I just wish that the people receiving a selfless act, would not "over-think" it. ![]() ![]() |
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HAZARD Junior Member
since 2009-06-24
Posts 40ENGLAND |
I had to rewrite this a bit - since your kind post - as I felt it was bit OTT! But it's so exciting when Serenity Blaze really gets going - and perhaps without truly realising the power of it?? H |
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Mysteria![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
You have that absolutely right about Karen, she doesn't even realize the power of her own words. I wish I could hold a "book of her" in my hands, and hopefully before I leave this plain, I will. Carpe' Diem, |
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suthern![]() ![]()
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
When you stop writing poems that make me FEEL so intensely, I'm gonna stop reading poetry. *S* Call them cathars, call them for dinner, call them whatever you want... just keep gifting us with heartpour. *S* |
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