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Open Poetry #45
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Forget Me Not
| Open Poetry #45 |
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Forget Me Not |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere 
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mirrored pieces, splinters, shards, brown eyes reflect, shattered heart. indigo and cobalt, stratified hues, intermittent sky, life in blue. indelible echoes, lovelorn songs, antiquated days, distance long. forget~me~nots, forsaken ground, perennial love, braided, bound. ~ from “Songs from the Time of Kren Shaw” ~I am the keeper of what he cast off~ |
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| © Copyright 2009 shellie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
There are excellent visuals here, but I'd "decompress" it a bit for an easier, more evocative read. Just my two cents, spend them as you will  I like imagist and surrealist poetry, this somewhat comes close to it. Mark |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~yes marc... your two cents were spent well...i agree, it reads much better with the breaks. thanks for your advice ~I am the keeper of what he cast off~ |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
brneyedgrly - short lines, but much meaning. Well done... BC |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~thanks so much for your kind words, bill... ~I am the keeper of what he cast off~ |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo dear Brneyedgrly, This would be easier to read, if you didn't start each line with a cap. The idea is there. Love Bobby |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I like poetry that delivers a message of impact and this does exactly that. Very nicely done and very much enjoyed. ~D |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
I am sorry for your pain, but writing it all down is a most cathartic experience. I know for I am 63, and many a man has broken my heart! But, hey! I am still around and loving and living life to the full! Owl |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
You delivered your message beautifully here, brneyegrly. Ida |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~yo bobby...i'm pretty sure i didn't check that box asking for constructive criticism...lol just kidding...i respect your opinion greatly! so i have once again revised my poem. if anyone has any more suggestions, hurry before my 24 hour edit time is up : ) |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~gentle, owl and march...i'm glad you all enjoyed my poem just how it is...thanks : ) |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~yo bobby...okay, maybe you were right love ya |
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shelerella75 Member
since 2009-01-30
Posts 58 |
enjoyed this! |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~thanks, shel...it has been a work in progress |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: This flows very nicely down the page and I love the quoted stanza best. Love, Margherita |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I like your poetry more and more - everytime I read another ... I like your writing lots. Alison |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
A beautiful poem, Brneyedgrly. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
this one seems to tell as much about you as it does your subject -- I can almost see you standing before the canvas, brush in hand, paint board in your mind, as the colors flow from your thoughts to your brush to the work--thanks for allowing your readers to look over your shoulder...masterpiece... |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Yo brown eyed chica... Yer purty. So's yah poe-um. -P Everyone deserves to be loved, even you. |
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ctowen Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286Green Mountains of VT |
ahhhh ... things I almost have forgot. Words of ease upon me .... Ct |
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Chalmette Guy Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257Louisiana |
This was cool, and looked like fun to write. Still enjoying everything you write. |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
~'rita...thank you, i like that stanza best, too, but the last one probably holds the most meaning for me ~A...thanks, girly...love your writing, too! ~rose...thank you, darlin' ~steve...'masterpiece'...WOW! tku! ~metal...you cute lil' flirt : ) ~ct...your words were ease upon ME...thanks ~guy...always glad you're in my audience ~Everyone...i've went from no one seeing my writing to sharing it fearlessly with all of you wonderful, supportive people...thanks for giving me such a gentle place to land...love to all, shellie |
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