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Teen Poetry #9
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| Teen Poetry #9 |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
The fur of the carpet shines, the flowers perky and bright, no books out of place, immaculate in face. For Browning, Elliot, Emily, and Milton stand in crisp dinner jackets, waiting to be swept down. Oh! To have someone dear stomp them to the floor while wearing a frown. For their pages of ink to kiss the cushioned ground, in rage, in glee, in careless beauty of childish agony. I long for such a day, when order is gone and exuberant mayhem ensues. No. Life is orderly, it must be. Breakfast at 5:00, dinner at 6:00, we go by the clock, such a blessed gift. Children never to be seen, the neighbors have enough, for you, and me. We will be envied, wait and see. Yet how they are heard, each breath, a single footstep, they wander inside my head. Those children, the blessed lost boys, and girls, who'll never be found. They whisper of the futility of a dream that's never to be. Still, I look with regret toward each child I never had. |
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| © Copyright 2009 stargal - All Rights Reserved | |||
moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
This is one of the most enjoyable poems I've read here at PiP. Thanks very much indeed. Rob |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
Wow, this is one amazing poem. Bravo! |
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Kalysta Junior Member
since 2009-04-02
Posts 41Ohio |
A extremely amazing write. I'm utterly speechless, which is hard to do to me. LOL ~Kalysta~ ~Kalysta~ |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Rob-Thank you for that. I am somewhat surprised by such high praise. I've been lurking around corners in pip for a couple years now, and I have enjoyed reading your posts. Though I do not always agree with you, I always read with interest in what you have to say. I would appreciate any suggestions you might deem necessary in regards to this attempt. JenniferMaxwell-I do appreciate the time you took in reading/commenting. It always amazes me that people actually read what I have to write. You are an amazing poet in your own right, such a compliment from you is indeed heartwarming. Kalysta-I'm glad I could astound you into speechlessness! Perhaps it is a sign I'm learning, at least a little bit, about poetry. Thank you so very much for taking the time to read/comment. -----> I am curious about one thing though, if someone should be able to tell me I would be grateful. Critical Analysis, what happened to it? Well, other then that the last one was archived. Is there another one, or something along similiar lines that I seem unable to find? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
I am shocked and horrified to hear you don't always agree with me  . However next time you don't agree perhaps you might take the time to argue, er, I mean debate - that way we both learn  .The poem deserved the praise, it's certainly a step up from your other posts here (which weren't bad either). CA ~sigh~ very sad but inevitable. Ron closed it. Most of the reasons are here: /pip/Forum6/HTML/000037.html and here: /pip/Forum6/HTML/000041.html |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Wow... I feel somewhat like an errant child who has just been rebuked, subtly, but nevertheless. Perhaps you are right, I should stick around to "debate", but for me that would be like going up against an entire army, while I'm just me. I hardly know the mechanics of poetry, let alone as well as you. It's more I see, I like, or I dislike, this sounds bad to my ears, this sounds good. Thank you, I hadn't realized CA had gotten as bad as all that! I did only wander in once in awhile, but it is still sad to see it go... Perhaps smiley faces make everything better? |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
I use smiley faces to try and convey the sentiment behind the words when I think there is a risk that the recipient might take the words in a way other than that in which I meant them. Clearly I was right, there was a risk in this case, and equally clearly the smiley face did nothing to prevent you feeling that you'd been rebuked. Sorry about that, my bad, I should work harder at getting the words right and not rely so much on the symbols. No rebuke intended at all, merely an invitation to discuss anything that I say that you don't agree with in the hope that we both learn something. People often disagree, but that disagreement can lead to profit for both parties in my experience - a sharing of views often leads to a broadening of view. Anyway that's what I think - you don't have to agree .As for your professed inexperience in poetry, you underestimate the importance of being able to form an opinion on what you read and write I think. Being able to express (even mentally to yourself) why you like or dislike something is more valuable than all the mechanics of poetry put together imo. Anyway whatever you are doing, it seems to be working for you, so maybe I'll shut up. (The smiley face there is to indicate that even though I used the phrase "shut up" I was grinning as I wrote it ) (And the second smiley face there is to indicate that I'm not being facetious) ... I could go on forever with this ... lol |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
I do apologize! I did not mean for that to sound like a remonstration, in fact I rather enjoyed your comment. Indeed, it made me smile. I do often type before my brain fully connects how what I say might sound to others, and I know my reply sounded somewhat caustic. It was more of a self-flagellation in the context of a guilty conscience toward myself, then anything else. I fear I lack the delicacy that is needed to convey emotions through my writing. It is unfortunate I seem to stick my foot in my mouth on a constant bases, that is why it is less desirous for me to keep posting for fear of misunderstanding. Please understand that which was written was not directed to you with harmful intent. Thank you for the invitation! I will try not to step on any toes should I become less mortified at my lack of conversant skills to be able to comment on anything else |
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nehematala Member
since 2009-05-21
Posts 129 |
This poem is really good. How do you do the smilies?? If you don't like something, |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Geeze Stargale! This was fantastic! I really enjoyed this. -Zach "Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Thank you nehematala, Zach. I do appreciate you've taken the time to read and comment. Though, I'm not really sure this deserves the praises that have been handed to it. I sometimes wish I could see into someone else's head and know what they are thinking about what I've written. For I look at this and think, "this words wrong, that line doesn't fit, what did I mean when I said that..." Then again I probably wouldn't like what I found in a different mind, because it might match my own...lolz Thank you again for commenting. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Everyone has those thoughts when writing. Most of the poems I write I don't like. Like how I worded it, the message in here isn't what I want, The title doesn't fit, etc. It happens to everyone. Your only human. -Zach "Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley |
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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed Senior Member
since 2007-06-11
Posts 1062In Love <3 |
Wow. You have a beautiful style. I enjoyed it very much. If school had us read poetry like this rather than that of poorly pieced works of some of the "greats" than school would have been more enjoyable. "What are you!?" |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed-Thank you, that was one of the kindest things a person has said about my ramblings. Thank you for the comment, and your time, I am most appreciative. |
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priyanka Member
since 2009-06-15
Posts 216india |
Wow!That was soo good! RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed is right... I seriously would enjoy reading this at school... makes school a fun sort of place to be in.... lovely... It goes in a flow... Really liked it |
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hunnie_girl
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567Canada |
this is the 1st poem i have read from here in over 2 months..... wow hon you never cease to amaze me |
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