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Teen Poetry #9

Indescribable Pie

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

0 posted 2009-02-05 03:38 PM

Indescribable Pie

This twisted sense of high
That carves me from inside
Entangled in my body
Curled inside my mind

Fingers are stretched out
In a blissful sense of joy
Blinding light of happiness
Caused simply by a boy

Makes me want to sing
A tune of many smiles
Until my lungs are burning
To be heard for many miles

Eyes are caught in silence
As I struggle to control
This mass of aching emotion
That hits me like a wall

Words cannot describe
This sequined sense of high
That glints there between us
Begging us to try

I think I know what’s happening
And I really hope I’m right
That this isn’t my imagination
Or a misconceiving light

I have finally come to realise
This unearthly sense of joy
Is more than I first thought
That you’re more than just a boy.

Absolutely crap. I apologise greatly.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2009-02-05 05:34 PM

What?!? This is crap?? Honey.. Your writing puts my work to shame. I thought it was pretty good. Of course not your best but its far from crap.

Only one critic is that the title related to nothing in this poem.. It was very random. lol

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

2 posted 2009-02-05 11:43 PM

Sorry, but I refuse to accept this as anything but excellent! (or some other worthy adjective.)
This was well written, and had a smooth rythym. Well, maybe the 4th stanza was a little iffy, but all in all, i enjoyed reading it.

There is power in the pen.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

3 posted 2009-02-06 08:06 PM

I can understand why you think this is crap, its definitly not your best but it's still far better than anything i write. It's still a really good poem!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

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