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RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

0 posted 2010-05-22 02:29 PM

I am the eye of anuished storms
The broken silence that feels like scorn
But I have learned, though hearts dismay
That life changes if we learn to pray

I am strong, just like the sea
An ebbing quiet that sets you free
I am not shaken from sorrows past
Resolved to be the one that lasts

Where did the sun go that fell upon the trees?
Where is the family that prayed on bended knees?
Where is the home, the love, the life I yearn to live again?
Where did it go? Was it all pretend?

I am the eye of all the stoms
I am alone, I am forlorn
I am the last of the harmony!
Where did it go? Why can't I see?
It was all I ever wanted to believe!
Where did it go? Where did it go?
Why don't I know?

I have failed to stay the storm
Instead my eyes have found
I am the center, the core, I am the eye
The eye of the storm

"What are you!?"
"I'm complicated."

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

1 posted 2010-05-23 04:59 AM

Ah, i really rather liked this. Couple of lines that tripped up the flow a little, i thought. But i thought there were some really great parts in here. Good write and brilliant concepts.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

2 posted 2010-05-23 01:42 PM

Yes, I know . . . but they ideas were more important to me than flow when I wrote, and as an editor I couldn't bear to take them out . . . I know, what a stange woman am I.

"What are you!?"
"I'm complicated."

Earl Robertson
Senior Member

since 2008-01-21

Posts 753
BC, Canada

3 posted 2010-05-24 12:17 PM

Like Octave, I loved the poem, but feel the compulsion to fix the flow. (It could be truly amazing!!!) Forgive me...:p

I'm going to post a few of your stanza's again with subtle alterations, I will try not to change the meaning more than absolutely nessisary:

Where did the sun go that fell upon the trees?
Where is the family that prayed on bended knees?
Where is the home, to love, and live again?
Where did it go? Was it all pretend?

I am the eye of all the stoms
I am alone, I am forlorn
I am the last of the harmony!
Where did it go? Why can't I see,
All I wanted to believe?
Where did it go? Where did it go?
What is the question and why don't I know?

That I think is all it needs! I hope I didn't mess with your meanings overmuch!

Discipline is remembering what you want.
-David Cambell

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