Teen Poetry #9 |
Sky |
Octave Member
since 2008-07-29
Posts 186Highlands, Scotland. |
Just a bit of a play around to be honest. Nothing spectacular. Haven't written in a while. :S Sky You’ll let go of my hand And upwards you will fly Pick up your feet, unfold your wings You’ll slice and eat the sky The fractured colour of our farewell Will splinter down your face In the colours of the sun and moon Who fight to take prize place Curl the clouds beneath your fingers You’ll skim the stars and broken black And you’ll dash through the fading blue With a smile you will turn your back Your hoary wings will spin through time While I stand and watch with tears That dance across my cheeks and chin As the skies begin to clear You’ll let go of my hand And upwards you will fly Pick up your feet, unfold your wings As you’re swallowed by the sky. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
I think your poem is pretty spectacular, Octave! It's so well crafted and the images really stay with the reader: "The fractured colour of our farewell Will splinter down your face In the colours of the sun and moon Who fight to take prize place" Very nice work! |
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LittleWillow Member
since 2007-12-27
Posts 54 |
Absolutly Loved it! Could picture everything! Amazing words and very well described! Thank you for sharing! |
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fromme2U Member
since 2007-11-09
Posts 257 |
I really enjoyed reading this poem. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Magnificent as always Oct'. -Zach |
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Leanne <3 Member
since 2007-08-25
Posts 216N.S.W, Australia |
Beautiful write!! -Lee |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Absolutely Amazing!!! “All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.”--Oscar Wilde |
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Octave Member
since 2008-07-29
Posts 186Highlands, Scotland. |
Thank you very much everyone! |
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Taylor See Member
since 2008-10-07
Posts 55North Carolina, US |
The abstract imagery in this poem is fantastic. I enjoyed it so much =) My only suggestion would be to write the poem with the contractions you'll and you're as you will and you are and see if you like it that way. Even if you have a specific syllable count or structure you are using the contractions at times take away from the impact of the words. Wonderful work, ~Taylor And as each player moves their piece, confident and tall |
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Octave Member
since 2008-07-29
Posts 186Highlands, Scotland. |
Thanks Taylor. It's usually dependent on the the rythm, to be honest. Sometimes they fit, other times not. But i can see where you're coming from. I'll keep that in mind for the future. (: |
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