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Dark Poetry #5

tears

ponderthepoetorrsx
Member

since 2011-06-25

Posts 284
U.S , Ca

0 posted 2012-01-29 08:14 PM

bitter tears, bitter tears, bitter tears
throughout the years,
hold me in your arms tonight,
rock me to sleep my dear,
sing me a song and tell me everything will be alright,
quick before i drown,
in agony,
in pain,
in bitter tears,
spilled throughout the years,

can't you see i need you?
can't you see i need you?
i'm losing you i'm losing me,
i'm losing them i'm losing it

i'm going down down
sinking deeper deeper
drowning suffocating
reaching out for you to save me
from this fate of
bitter tears.

LaGraceLa
Member

since 2011-01-30

Posts 243
Minnesota, USA

1 posted 2012-02-08 09:23 PM

I really like the idea of this poem, but I think you could have written it a little sharper. The concept is great, but gets lost a little in the translation. That is my opinion, atleast-- and I can always be mistaken.

noodles6996
New Member

since 2012-06-16

Posts 7

2 posted 2012-06-16 02:32 AM

tricky rick, catchy line and vivid imagery. well maybe to me since i know you

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