in the midst of dispair - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dark Poetry #5

in the midst of dispair

ponderthepoetorrsx
Member

since 2011-06-25

Posts 284
U.S , Ca

0 posted 2011-06-30 09:40 PM

in the midst of dispair,
worn down by all life's cares,
in the sulight yet so cold,
in the spotlight yet all alone,
the teardrops fall unnoticed in the rain,
while inside
pleasant memories fade to grey,
while the saddness makes me writh in pain,
and the feelings of pain vivid hues do make.
the woes of life
are slowly
turning me
to stone.

ponderthepoetorrsx
Member

since 2011-06-25

Posts 284
U.S , Ca

1 posted 2011-06-30 09:51 PM

sorry if this want very well written just wrote it in a small inspiration streak? lol

ponderthepoetorrsx
Member

since 2011-06-25

Posts 284
U.S , Ca

2 posted 2011-06-30 09:52 PM

i mean wasnt

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

3 posted 2011-07-09 12:07 PM

Actually it isn't bad. The longest line in the very middle, which ought to stand out, could use some polish. The reference to "ME" after so much beautiful objectivity wrenches the freely flowing thought process of the reader away from the Topic and on to the writer, something to be careful of. And the repeat of words, "pain" in this instance, is always bad. But securing those two minor items, this is a very valid piece. Loved it overall.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·
Friend me on Facebook Poetry con Garapan (Garapan Poetry) www.facebook.com/HUAMAILO

ponderthepoetorrsx
Member

since 2011-06-25

Posts 284
U.S , Ca

4 posted 2011-07-11 06:14 PM

i tend to sorta stray lol

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.