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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
|
|
|
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| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Second Thoughts |
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HippinTrippy Member
since 2010-03-26
Posts 103New York 
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I hear these words are spoken, I think my mind is broken. If I keep on steady smokin', Hopefully I'll die tokin'. I don't know what I'm thinking, If I keep up all this drinking, This one fifty one, I'll probably die by the gun. I don't know what to do, I feel my life is through. All these drugs that get me high, Lets my life just pass me by. All this time I'm askin' why, God don't give up and let me die. Just turn away, No second thoughts. It's not easy being evil, in a world gone to hell. |
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| © Copyright 2011 Joshua Griffin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ponderthepoetorrsx Member
since 2011-06-25
Posts 284U.S , Ca |
i like what your trying to convey just somethingabout the rythm scheme idk what tho |
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HippinTrippy Member
since 2010-03-26
Posts 103New York |
Thank you for your thoughts. This was one of the first pieces I've ever written. It used to be a lot longer, but also a lot more twisted.. I think I was... 13? When I wrote this one? It's not easy being evil, in a world gone to hell. |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
I like the substance and what it is attempting to say. The style is very "street" and that doesn't have to mean bad, but as the above poet mentions, there is something that can be refined to make it "feel" better, or "read" better, I'm not sure. But you have tremendous soul behind your thoughts. I hope you keep plugging away at it until you find your niche. i'd like to see more. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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HippinTrippy Member
since 2010-03-26
Posts 103New York |
Thank you Garapan. As always your critisicm is apreciated. Believe it or not, when I wrote this I was on the transition from gothic skater punk to a ghetto POS.. ~ Hence the "streetness" This is probably my least favorite piece other than one I wrote for a friend who died when I was 13. ~I've thought about rewriting it... But I'm going to leave it how it is. It's one of my first poems and I think it's kind of funny, the quality of it =) ~ It reminds me of what a douchebag I used to be lol It's not easy being evil, in a world gone to hell. |
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