Angel of my darkest dreams.

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Dark Poetry #5

Angel of my darkest dreams.

WaterWillow
New Member

since 2011-05-04

Posts 4

0 posted 2011-05-24 04:11 PM

This is really just an idea I'm toying with. Not near complete. Constructive criticism would be much appreciated.

Waiting on your call
Waiting on your call
Why, oh why am I
Waiting on your call

You’re the angel of my darkest dreams
The one who causes all my fears
You’re delighted at my silent screams
You love to see you caused these tears

Rushing to the fall
Rushing to the fall
Why, oh why am I
Rushing to the fall

Sweet night and a silent prayer
I’m just another one time deal
As you go on, without a care
I’m on a unicycle with a broken wheel

Burning to the ground
Burning to the ground
Why, oh why am I
Burning to the ground

Demons walk my mind
Oh darling, your lullaby
It should be a crime
Why won’t you let us just die

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

1 posted 2011-05-28 09:39 PM

I had to get over the "feeling" of the first few lines to finally get the "feeling" of the poem. I really like this write. It takes that familiar question, "Oh why?" and puts it into an almost playful, yet still poignant piece. Lovely work.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·

spritrider87
Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 294
NH

2 posted 2011-06-11 11:57 PM

The last line seems off to me. I keep wanting to read it as "Why wont you just let us die"

but this is a very powerful peice

Hard times Made writing seem impossible. But I'm back on the wagon again.

ponderthepoetorrsx
Member

since 2011-06-25

Posts 284
U.S , Ca

3 posted 2011-06-25 03:28 AM

i like it wording on last line could be switched a bit but its pretty good i like the moodset

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