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maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

0 posted 2011-05-15 03:26 PM

thank you for your feedback

I am in the bathtub
And turning the knob
Towards the hot water
Making the water hot
As possible and open
Up the shower my brown
Glossy skin is trickling
Down with blood
It’s burning and blazing
And glistening beautifully
But it doesn’t affect me
It doesn’t give me pain
Instead I’m enjoying
Every bit of it
I love it how this hot shower
Is making me feel
It’s making me feel energetic
And making me smile
Even though I’m in great
Deal of woe and malaise
Even though everything
Just seems right
Even though I have
A lot of pain inside
In this shower
The blood is trickling
Down and making the
The tub abhorrent just
Like me
In this shower
My body is hot as a fever
In this shower
I’m envisioning away
And slowly I’m
Getting dizzy and
Becoming unconscious
I have a feeling that
I will fall down any
Minute
And finally when
I get out of the shower
I stagger and my eyes are
Not opening up properly
For at least two minutes
I take a rest and see
How my brown glossy skin
Is now filled up with
Scars just like my
Scarred heart

LaGraceLa
Member

since 2011-01-30

Posts 243
Minnesota, USA

1 posted 2011-05-15 06:50 PM

I know that feeling exactly, and I am impressed at your ability to write down such a personal and raw moment. I would have never guessed that those actions could make such a beautiful poem, so I'm glad you did

maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

2 posted 2011-05-15 07:02 PM

thank you

rachel_anubis
Junior Member

since 2011-03-24

Posts 43

3 posted 2011-05-25 10:06 PM

I really liked how you conveyed your emotions in that poem. Well done.

maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

4 posted 2011-05-26 02:51 PM

thank you

flightless68
New Member

since 2011-05-29

Posts 2

5 posted 2011-05-29 02:55 AM

you sound like someone having reel problems in their life through your poem, self harming , low esteem. i noticed this was posted a while back and i just want to say i hope things are better for you now than they were then. loved the poem though and could feel your anguish throughout.

maddorani
Member

since 2007-11-18

Posts 423
houston,tx

6 posted 2011-05-29 03:53 PM

thank you i really dont harm myself it was just a thought that i came up wiht i really dont take a hot shower tht would harm my body hehe but the thing is i could never write happy poems but inside im somewhat depressed and like im happy wiht my life but its hard to explain it i love writing and thts the only way i can express myself i dont express myself to other ppl but in poems i do and i dont have self esteem im happy of the way how i look and im pretty but inside im just depressed

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