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Dark Poetry #5
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Lost
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Lost |
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belle bete New Member
since 2010-09-03
Posts 1 |
Lost You put out your hand and pull me in, your loving embrace seem to surround me. Then I open my eyes and nothing is real. A ghost stands before me, as images of the past come to life. A hand on my head, and arms holdin me close as I cry, a present from you outside my window, the little ways you help me up, when I fall. I'm lost in a dream of you and me. What will our future hold? Could it be "I'm sorrys" or will it be "I dos"? Doesn't matter what troubles we come across, nothing seems to matter as long as I'm with you. But now lifeless eyes gaze back at me. I put out my hand, but you don't see. Is it that you're too far away, or just no longer care? What was I to you, was it so insignicant for you to leave me here? This darkness you've embraced, was it worth it at the price of me? I've been lost in dream where you love me. But I'm awake now and am walking away. You've become the past. Please comment. Don't be afraid to be critical, criticism is much needed and wanted. So go on and paint it red. |
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| © Copyright 2010 belle bete - All Rights Reserved | |||
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easy1 Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209Southeastern USA |
No, not a criticism. It's sad and hard to accept when one you thought a life-long friend grows cold and the friendship on his or her side has faded. They'll probably regret it later but there's not much a person can do to mend that, and I speak from experience there. Good first post and a good read. Welcome to Piptalk forums! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Welcome to Passions! Please, check your email for a Very Special Greeting! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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Novus_Os Member
since 2010-07-21
Posts 115West Coast, USA |
That was a good first post, and welcome! I do like the way you present the poem, and the imagery is strong, and moving.If you're looking for criticism, I can say there are a few minor things to take a look at, such as "I've been lost in dream where you love me." Could be you meant to add an "a" in the phrase "in dream". Other than just maybe double checking your poetry(I tend to try and do this, and it helps),it was quite good. Regards, Novus_Os Life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. |
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