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A home without a wall, |
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| Dark Poetry #5 |
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Purpose...what is it? |
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minitechie Junior Member
since 2008-05-26
Posts 23california |
What are we doing in this world of sin? What is our purpose in this senseless era of pain? Why must we all be slowly slain? The love that we give is our slowest form of scuicide. This hate that haunts us fills our minds with redundant darkness. It never leaves us alone. Harlequin's Queen and Diablo's Daughter. |
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| © Copyright 2009 Cheyenne Ewald - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Interesting critique request. I am sorry if I am about to sound harsh here given what are apparently adverse circumstances in your life but... Your spelling could use some improvement. For example, the word suicide. Some of the remarks the speaker makes about life in general could use a bit of explanation. For example, the notion that the love we give is a form of suicide or that we live in a senseless era of pain. The statement that we live in an era of senseless pain could have been made about any number of historical eras. Perhaps that's why your speaker begins by saying that we live in a world of sin. Next the speaker moves on to discuss our being slowly slain. By what? What makes the darkness redundant? One man's useless darkness could be another young woman's treasure. "It never leaves us alone." Perhaps this is a good thing. When something bothers one to excess catharsis can help. |
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