Mourn - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

prize
Member

since 2008-11-21

Posts 116

0 posted 2009-08-14 08:19 PM

MOURN

I am an honest person
But I had a secret friend
Who understood my madness
For I am just like him

Our connection was indescribable
Like none I’ll ever find
I sit her feeling lonesome
Trapped inside my mind

He helped me find the key
To express my unusual notions
Implicitly he was the same
When sharing his emotions

So I say, thank you – to HIM
For letting me be ME
Knowing I was not alone
In my sheltered insanity

A connection this rare I know
Will never come again-
It’s hard to say goodbye
To my irreplaceable friend

Society has its foolish rules
Which, in vain, we tried to bend
Failure returned me to my prison
As our friendship had to end

So, I send my deepest apologies
To this person just like me
As we disconnect and separate
Like plankton in the sea

BRP
New Member

since 2009-06-06

Posts 8
Isle of Wight, United Kingdom

1 posted 2009-08-15 08:44 PM

"A connection this rare I know
Will never come again"

I'm sure it will... Eventually.

Great writting by the way. It's a shame about social pressures and such.

Yoinn
Senior Member

since 2007-08-16

Posts 649
Michigan

2 posted 2009-08-16 11:16 PM

I like this one prize. you covered a difficult subject very well. It has good flow. The last line however just didn't do it for me. I think its the "plankton" maybe try something else. Just a thought.

Yoin

prize
Member

since 2008-11-21

Posts 116

3 posted 2009-08-17 07:25 AM

BRP - Thank you for your reply and your positive note, although I know I'll never find quite a friend again - sorry to be negative, but I feel it is true. I'm glad you liked the poem. ~P

Yoinn - Thanks as well - it was both easy and difficult to write because the poem is true to my feelings. As for "plankton" in the last line, it does seem to not fit, but, since I have a bio background, I know that plankton are mostly small creatures - organisms - drifting about the vast sea with the waves and currents...so I used this word becaused I believe it identified with my feelings of drifing away...wandering by myself in my own torment. Just thought I'd share the reason I carefully chose this word for the poem. Thanks again for your feedback. ~P

Def-init
Member

since 2008-12-03

Posts 186
Toronto, Canada

4 posted 2009-08-20 03:24 PM

I like the subject here. Great topic to pick.
Your stuff is getting nice!!

- If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell -

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.