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Dark Poetry #5
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My Own Worst Enemy
| Dark Poetry #5 |
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My Own Worst Enemy |
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tatalinia Member
since 2005-12-17
Posts 137CA, US 
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I've done it, I've seen it I threw all I had at it Scraped my knees so many times Scares to prove my battles Warrior like stance But who was I fooling accept myself My very own knife stabbing me in the back I flip the Vinyl over spin some more Flip it back but the same tune plays I thought the other side was different Thought I could make it sound good Sugar coat it with blue flying colors But who was I fooling accept myself My very own knife stabbing me in the back It’s no one’s fault but mine I am my worst enemy Shooed them all away Stead of taking up open arms with grace I failed the ones who cried for me and I’m left here alone to fend off my demons And who was I fooling accept myself My very own knife stabbing me in the back I do not need shine or wealth, just a pen and some paper for my health |
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| © Copyright 2009 Althia Kinsey - All Rights Reserved | |||
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lol@megan New Member
since 2009-06-11
Posts 7 |
This is pretty deep, and i like it a lot. I love how it goes back to 'stabbing myself in the back' Very intense. |
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Yoinn Senior Member
since 2007-08-16
Posts 649Michigan |
I enjoyed this poem. Thanks for the read Yoin |
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tatalinia Member
since 2005-12-17
Posts 137CA, US |
Thank you both :-) I do not need shine or wealth, just a pen and some paper for my health |
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Teri Junior Member
since 2009-06-15
Posts 13Adelaide, Australia |
yer deep, i liked it |
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mama5 Junior Member
since 2009-05-27
Posts 19England UK |
I love the flow and message of your poem. Thank you sharing. |
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Moth Junior Member
since 2008-06-12
Posts 12 |
I read through this a few times, there are moments of brilliance in this very promising poem. The simple but very effective “Scraped my knees so many times”. You’ve taken an observational line and imbued it with depth beyond its simple construction. That is the mark of a real poet. Lines like this will get you noticed by publishers. You are a precocious talent but you do allow the hyperbole to run away with you in places. My advice is keep it rooted in reality, steer away from tired old cliché (demons are well worn metaphor for mind baggage). On a technical point ‘And who was I fooling accept myself’ this should be ‘except myself’ if you are referring to yourself as the exception or ‘…fooling, accept myself’ (with a comma) if you mean accept as in ‘come to terms with’. This is one of the most promising poems I’ve read on this site for a long time. Anyone can learn the technicalities of poetry but you are either born with a poet’s soul or not, and you have a poet’s soul. Keep writing. |
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tatalinia Member
since 2005-12-17
Posts 137CA, US |
^^^ Moth thank you so much for the advice. Im no pro when it comes to perfect writing so its nice to get some feedback on what could be different. Im glad you liked the poem. And thank you to others for comments too! I do not need shine or wealth, just a pen and some paper for my health |
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Def-init Member
since 2008-12-03
Posts 186Toronto, Canada |
wow Tata. Been awhile since I have enjoyed a poem this much. Very deep. Great images. You have talent girl. Keep at it. - If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell - |
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