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Dark Poetry #5
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| Dark Poetry #5 |
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waycrazy New Member
since 2009-04-06
Posts 5SD, USA |
Invisible Perhaps I move faster than I really should, And miss things I definitely shouldn’t. But life’s just too short to be dragging my feet, And I just can’t seem to deny it. I’m afraid to blink. I’m afraid to miss something. Afraid I’ll miss my stop. Afraid to miss life as it passes me by, when will this ever stop? Locked stiff with fear as time flies by, I cry out but am not heard. I’m lost in time, confused and afraid. I’m invisible in this world. Writing is good for the soul. |
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| © Copyright 2009 waycrazy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
Locked stiff with fear as time flies by, I cry out but am not heard. I’m lost in time, confused and afraid. I’m invisible in this world. _______________________ The last stanza really showed what you were feeling. I know that feeling..and maybe that's part of it. Tho the first part seemed to be lacking something. I think it was just that you put your thoughts into words, but didn't tell how you were really feeling. A suggestion i would have is, instead of saying Perhaps I move faster than I really should, And miss things I definitely shouldn’t. you could incorporate urself into it a bit more. just a suggestion. otherwise, i like it. Great first post, and welcome to pip. {~~*~~} Emmalee Janelle |
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waycrazy New Member
since 2009-04-06
Posts 5SD, USA |
Yeah, I'm not completely happy with that one yet. I was kind of hoping someone would give me some suggestions. XD I actually wrote that last year. Last year was a baaaad year for me. :P Writing is good for the soul. |
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Def-init Member
since 2008-12-03
Posts 186Toronto, Canada |
"Perhaps I move faster than I really should, And miss things I definitely shouldn’t. But life’s just too short to be dragging my feet,And I just can’t seem to deny it." Is my fav stanza in your work. After reading your piece and re-reading it. It comes off as real. It has that "real" feel to it and I like that in a poem. I like the piece and the emotion you brought with it. I would like to read more of your work. -Def- - If I cant bend Heaven, I shall move Hell - |
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Twi Junior Member
since 2009-05-21
Posts 22the Underworld |
"Locked stiff with fear as time flies by, I cry out but am not heard. I’m lost in time, confused and afraid. I’m invisible in this world." This was a good paragraph. I think it really explains the lives of some of the people in this world. Good job. §Bella§ |
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