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Dark Poetry #5

War On the Loosing Side

pyre
Member

since 2008-05-16

Posts 136

0 posted 2008-12-28 02:09 AM

I'm fighting with all my heart
The bullets are just and strong
My fellow soldiers are falling
Red bombs blast louder than before
The enemy is everywhere I look

I am one man with my weapon
I'm fighting for my survival
I'm loosing
I'm struggling
I'm loosing as a loser

My poetry is eatten by cannibals
Friends and family need to feed
This is great beyond myself
To do unto others
As I would have done to me

The raw fight
The raw fight
The fight into the night
Raw meat against steel
Epithet reads remnants of my will

Does she pray, or am I prey?

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

1 posted 2008-12-28 07:43 AM

"My poetry is eatten by cannibals"
Fascinating line. Keep on writing!

Anniepimm
Senior Member

since 2008-12-26

Posts 550
England

2 posted 2008-12-28 07:45 AM

wonderfully written poem my friend
I particularly liked this stanza
It depicts the power struggle that this story tells, Well Penned....
Annie

{{My poetry is eaten by cannibals
Friends and family need to feed
This is great beyond myself
To do unto others
As I would have done to me}}

Def-init
Member

since 2008-12-03

Posts 186
Toronto, Canada

3 posted 2008-12-29 06:07 AM

"My poetry is eatten by cannibals
Friends and family need to feed
This is great beyond myself
To do unto others
As I would have done to me"

Very nice. Good choice of words here.
Keep the fire droppin!!

prize
Member

since 2008-11-21

Posts 116

4 posted 2008-12-29 04:07 PM

Hi Pyre,

I agree, that is the best stanza in your poem. Nice job.

P

pyre
Member

since 2008-05-16

Posts 136

5 posted 2009-01-02 04:11 AM

thank you.

pyre

Does she pray, or am I prey?

pyre
Member

since 2008-05-16

Posts 136

6 posted 2010-02-21 10:39 PM

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