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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2008-12-25 08:32 PM

I tried to make myself noticed.
I wore a santa hat with braids.
and a long red ruffled coat
over my black jeans and prayed
she noticed I wore Santa boots.

I took them off, so she would see
that I wore faces on the toes
and jingled bells as I would walk
and that my cheeks were painted, "rose".

But she looked right through me as
she asked me drugs? I did last night
and did I sleep at all? I died.
I showed her my feet and I laughed
as if that hadn't hurt. Again.
I told her simply, "I can't win."

Cathy's socks, and Cathy's hat
on the wrong person and that
was what I got for Christmas, proved...
I was not the person, true
the stones of my mother

she watched us all like we were ghosts.

I was never good enough.
Even my kicks in the womb
were answered with a punch.
I've been crying for three weeks
whimpered Daddy in my sleep:

tell me what to do...

She never wanted me at all.
I was "the thing" that made her stall
in her quest for her career
she never even felt me near

when I was inside of her.

Mother? I am sorry I
wore the clothes and that I tried
to be the one I never could
wear her shoes and be that good.

And now that I am thinking, I
think that she could not, as well.
But I swear
I'll try like hell
to make you see me once again.

Even if you still want me
stillborn
like you dreamed and grieve
every time you look at me
and I am not there...

My mother? Were you stoned?

Oh, yes.

I'm betting that you were.

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant

since 2000-12-22

Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace

1 posted 2008-12-25 08:54 PM

"I've been crying for three weeks
whimpered Daddy in my sleep:

tell me what to do..."

your ache vibrates my skin

muchmuchlovetoyoutoo

brian sites
Senior Member

since 2002-06-25

Posts 1475
usa

2 posted 2008-12-26 12:37 PM

this holiday....
has sharp edges for both sides

sigh

hugggggggg
luwowaiwe

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

3 posted 2008-12-26 12:37 PM

Marc-Andre
Senior Member

since 2008-12-07

Posts 501

4 posted 2008-12-26 12:59 PM

A powerful poem. Mark

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2008-12-29 04:00 PM

As a perpetual distant second, I know this bone-deep ache. Well written!

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