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Open Poetry #43
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Dear Big Brother of Mine
| Open Poetry #43 |
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Dear Big Brother of Mine |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! 
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Dear big brother of mine, In my mind, I blow out your birthday candles that light our Februarys every year. Laughter rings in my memories as we chased years, you and I, wishing to be older and I cried because I would never catch up and would forever be the baby of the family. In my mind, I remember when my world shattered on a sunny July day when glaciers became pieces of a kaleidoscope through my tears. I thought my screams, those deep-cutting-ripping-me-apart-screams, would never end until I, too, died that day. Well, they did end and I live my life with knowledge, a knowledge that you taught me. I don’t need to say that life is unpredictable or fragile. The scars, jagged and vulnerable, on my heart open now and then to remind me that life is a cliché. Isn’t that why clichés are cliché? Life is a cliché and my job is to live it to the fullest, embrace it and cherish each day and each memory. Dear big brother of mine, I passed you age-wise maybe, but you are always older - always guiding me, leading me. You still tie my shoes, carry my lunch bag, braid my hair. You still tease me sometimes when I try to sleep and know what? I still tell Mom. I still tell on you because that is my job. This day is merely a date. Only a date on the calendar It doesn’t mark you or your life. So, rather than cry, I look at it and marvel that you were in my life and that you have never left me. Forever your baby sister, Ali |
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| © Copyright 2008 Alison - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
So, rather than cry, I look at it and marvel that you were in my life and that you have never left me. Through the pain you have gained so much insight, dear Alison, may you act also as an encouraging example of how to cope. This is deeply touching and written with mastery. Love and hugs. Margherita  |
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Prasad Nataraj Senior Member
since 2008-05-29
Posts 1149Bangalore,India |
Hi Alison, very emotional write and I agree with Margherita, written with great mastery indeed. Prasad "Hardwork pays in the long run" |
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nourzihane Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 254Algeria |
i applaud strongly on what see here beauty.... Creativity ...... thank you for your wonderful subject accept my pass |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
Ali-girl... heartfelt and very beautifully expressed for your big brother.. I'm sure he is smiling down on you .... thank you for your gifting here.... love and hugs RDB xx Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Sweetie, big hugs to you. Your love shines through in this. ~D |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
Ms ali-san, enjoyed your soul here |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
While I was never the baby sister, I still love my baby brother... and never forget him. Thank you, Ali, for a telling write!  |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Dear Alison I am not as strong as you and I cannot hold back the tears while and after reading your poem. Whilst I am aware of that agony you went through - in spite of it - and perhaps because of it too - I envy you, for having a brother - especially with the bond you had - and still have with him. I love that you still commune with your brother in thought and deed, and probably word. Hugs and admiration at your strength - beautiful poem, too - Owl |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Oh, Alison....it's difficult to express the impact of this write on my psyche! The imagery and emotional content, the presentation...is absolutely exquisite! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Oh, my dear, sweet Alison, I have a lump in my throat the size of an orange. ~ A navel orange! You have expressed your never-ending love for your brother, with so much tenderness ~ and deep spiritual strength. You are an awesome writer with an awesome heart. God bless both you and your brother forever more. With much love and compassion, Linda  |
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The Shadow in Blue Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493EL, Michigan |
I can't adequately express how I feel about your homage to your big brother,suffice it to say that you expressed yourself with great courage,strength and beauty.  ~JNS |
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divine chaos Senior Member
since 2006-07-09
Posts 617dancing 'neath the moon |
Ali girl, I knew this poem would be here today, and came looking for it. It always warms my heart, right along with bringing tears to my eyes to read what you write about your brother every year. I wish I'd known him .. I'm glad I get to know him through your writing. I love you ~Sheli~ It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw |
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amusemi Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262A State of Disarray |
Oh this made me cry. Hugs to you. |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Speechless. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
A very sad, sweet tribute to you big brother Alison my dear, written with great tenderness, I wish I had a sister like you. Love, Lindsay |
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Indigo Senior Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 602 |
Alison- The deepest pain can reveal the highest intention of our souls. You have scaled that mountain and claimed it for both you and your brother. I am humbled by your devotion. Indigo |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Margherita, I think that I was a fortunate person to have had such a wonderful person in my life. He took care of me in so many ways - and I have to think that he still does. Love, Alison ___________________ Prasad, Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and to respond with a comment. Your words made me smile on a difficult day. Alison ___________________ nourzihane Thank you so much for the kind comment about this poem. I am glad that you took the time to stop and read - and then share your thoughts. Thank you. Alison ___________________ RDB, Thank you, darling friend. I like to think that he is. Love, Ali ___________________ Donna, Thank you and hugs right back to you, beautiful one. He is a keeper in my heart forever. Love, Alison ___________________ D, Thank you for seeing my soul in the words. A __________________ Sunshine, Thank you for stopping to read and be touched by my thoughts. xoxoxo Alison __________________ Diana, darling -Owl, Thank you and yes, I am among the lucky to have had a big brother who was what so many wish they had. He was the epitome of a big brother - and thank you for taking the time to get to know him a bit through my poem. Hugs and kleenex to you, Alison __________________ Kacy, Thank you. He is really very easy to write about because he just was one of those people who glowed. He was a good brother and would have been a great man. Love, Alison ___________________ Linda, Backatcha, darling. You are a beautiful person who shines with every poem that you post. Thank you for taking the time to read my poems and express the impact that they make on you. Love, Alison __________________ Jill, Thank you, sweetie. You bring a smile to my face often. Alison __________________ Sheli, Thank you for taking time out of your special day to think about my brother. What a beautiful woman you are. I love you lots, girly. xoxoxo Ali ___________________ amusemi, Thank you for reading and I think that Helen will share the kleenex that I left with her. Hugs to you. Alison __________________ XGarapanX Thank you. Alison __________________ Lindsay, I wish I had a father like you. So we are even. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Love, Alison |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Allison, You have touched us all with this heartfelt writing of your brother.I know many of us are feeling this through your words and and the love shown. I have been dropping in to read here and there as my time has been taken lately, but had to stop and answer this one. So touching. But then all you write has been good. You are growing better with each post. keep on, love, "late" |
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Jaime Fradera Senior Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 843Where no tyranny is tolerable |
One can only imagine a loss so painful, on a day so awful that it has to be expressed in analogies and shrouded in metaphor. This piece shows that deep soul work has been and is being done, and that you have come to terms and made your piece with what the past has taken from and yet given you. Every time I reread this piece another layer of metaphor seems to peel off, as it were, and underneath there is another layer and another, and it makes me worry I might be prying into what it ain't my business to know or maybe step very carefully because, well it might be too strong. Even though it is posted for public viewing. But clearly posting this represents the continuing soul work. Father still comes to me in dreams, though not as often as before. when I dreamed of him, I would tease him about his English and he should remember and practice it now that he hasn't heard it spoken for so long. Sometimes he comes to me or telephones because we have to say goodbye. Sometimes I see him permanently disabled in some care facility, that they found a way to stabilize the illness, that they got it under control and that he is just "sick" but being cared for. Sometimes it emerges that, although the family "story" was that he died, that this was not true, and after a day of talking and laughing together, he tells me in no uncertain terms that I should NEVER, NEVER revealed to ANY relatives that in fact we find a way of spending time together, going out to eat together, laughing together. He doesn't come as often now in dreams ... The other day I wanted to tell him what I found on the Internet, I wanted to tell him about my life what I have been doing all this time. I wrote a dream-poem in which he came to me ... How you reach me and make me want to share ... |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Dear Alison The second time round, my sobs are shaking my shoulders so much more, as I read your poem once more, celebrated again what he was to you, read the old replies again and the new (and you are forgiven for the Oops to amusemi, I am Diana, not Helen). I struggled to read through my blinding tears, and Jaime's response doubled the sobs. I envy Jaime his father, but am so happy that he had such a wonderful one and am absolutely delighted that he still communicates with him, the way I do with my beloved horse, Flicka. Hugs to you and thanks to your brother for being such a good brother and to Jaime's father for being such a good father. Your brother and Jaime's father - even if they didn't have anything to do with horses in their lifetime - will have met him - him being my beloved Flicka, and they will love him, and Flicka will be taking good and loving care of them too. - Owl |
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TinaTrivett Senior Member
since 2006-07-15
Posts 569 |
Sharing tears with you this morning Ali... ((hugs)) |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Wonderful parts of your heart you have shared...James |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Dear late, Thank you for reading and taking the time to write your thoughts. I have thought of you and miss your messages. I am working on growing and - thank you for noticing that. Hope all is well with you. Alison --------------- Jaime, Your sharing is a true gift that you give us. I understand about the dreams as I have had some of my own. You are pretty astute in your observations, my friend. Alison -------------- -Owl, Dear Owl, Sheese, I know your name is Diana. Helen stole the Kleenex from you - that's it. Yep. Gotta watch that Helen, you know! Seriously, my brother and I had horses growing up. In highschool we had five ... well, I had one and he had four. I am sure he is giving your Flicka lots of love - and I am sure Flicka is returning the kisses and nuzzles. Thank you, dear friend. You have become so special to me and I am sorry that I screwed up the names. xoxoxo Alison ---------- Tina, I am sending you hugs and kisses because you are such a wonderful part of PiP to me. xoxoxo Alison -------------- James, Thank you. Maybe I have learned about sharing parts of myself from those like you who are so generous. Hugs, Alison |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Dearest Alison I know you know my name is Diana. I sorta thought you had got confuzzled over who you gave the box of Kleenex too, but yes, now I see what happened, because the Kleenex box you gave me disappeared! Naughty Helen!Oh, Flicka must be absolutely in his element with your brother! What is his name? Just so that I know when I talk to Flicka - although Alison's brother would identify him anyway! Just more personal and friendly with his own name, and Flicka is SUCH a friendly horse. - Owl |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Lovely tribute to your brother, Alison. My daughter's birthday was in February also. This brought tears to my eyes. I am sure your brother is very proud of you. Ida |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Thank you, Ida. I am of him and he better be of me (or I'll tell Mom on him). Love, A |
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Jaime Fradera Senior Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 843Where no tyranny is tolerable |
Well, here I am back (why do I think I have to come back) to make this long, fantastic thread even longer and more fantastic? What is most striking about this poem to me is what is not quite said but merely hinted at. On the one hand there is this need to disclose and do the inner soul work of healing the pain, and on the other there is a need not to quite disclose something so personal in the rabble of a public board, where it might be misunderstood or used to attack you. (Not that I think anybody here would ever do that). This tug of war, this painful tearing of the heart-strings between disclosing and shrouding, between publicity and privacy is the unwritten subtext of this poem, and it endears you so much more to me. You reveal, little by little and by degrees bit by bit what is inside you. I am not quite sure, but it is almost certainly true, that maybe others are busier than I am and have jobs or other chores that may seem to carry them away or demand pretty much all their time. I realize that others do not have the luxury of just sitting around and drawing SSI like me, because technically I am "disabled" and pretty much live off the taxpayer who is the ones who actually does the "real work" in society and are subsidizing me. And so I imagine what business do I have mucking around in the affairs of others. Especially when those others are no doubt much busier than I. Ali, you can't know how dear and special to me you are, you can't know how I look forward to our connect time, even when we are just sitting quietly, or the brief time you may have for me as you are getting ready to leave each day. And I really do think of you each day, and try to send you mental vibrations when that is all there is time for. Please know, ali, that I want to be a friend to you for life, that I want to give you hugs and a shoulder or two when you need them, even if they are just paltry cyber substitutes of the real ones, and that I regard anything you would like me alone to know of what is important to you in absolute and privileged confidence. This message is posted publicly and contains no privileged material. (Well, actually it does, because it holds my heart). So careful, pls, careful ... ... ... I don't have clenex anymore so toilet tissue will have to do ... ... ... Besides I'm tired of being humiliated by this spell checker! Poooooh! |
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sklagurl17 Junior Member
since 2008-09-08
Posts 43nc. |
Alison, great choice of words. Your wisdom is unreal. This opens my eyes from my own loss. |
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TheAnonDavid Member
since 2008-08-28
Posts 237UK |
I am so pleased that someone bumped this thread up. As I am fairly new here I am busy catching up with old, long forotten poems. I like to think that I would have seen this eventually - but I am delighted that someone brought that day closer. There is little I can add to all the tributes that others have written so eloquently. Thank you for sharing your memories. Do not go gentle into that good night. |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Alison, How well I know these feelings and emotions from a slightly different perspective. You honor well the memory of your brother and in so doing say volumes about your own heart and character. I've been saying for too many years now that "grief without growth is pain without purpose" and you prove the point well. I'm sorry for your loss and grateful for your sharing. Peace, Larry C |
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