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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
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| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #43 |
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not the man he used to be |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria 
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Not the Man He Used to Be I look at the clock on the wall. It’s almost knock off time. I can’t go straight home tonight. I have to call in and see my dad. He’s in an old people’s nursing home and with a heavy heart I think of the man he used to be. Strong, reliable and honest, with a wonderful sense of humour. A loving father and husband and a friend to all who knew him. Now as he slips into his twilight years, dementia has crept upon him and he lives in a world of shifting shadows, sudden bursts of sunshine and dark threatening clouds. I pull up outside the home and with a great feeling of sorrow, I make my way inside. I wonder how I’ll find him today. He stands there in a doorway and wonders where he is. He looks down the passageway to the left and sees people sitting in lounge chairs, and then thinks, I don’t know them. Who are they? Then he looks to the right and sees more strangers seated in more chairs around the lounge. Puzzled, he pauses and wonders why he’s here. Then a nurse comes and takes him by the hand and leads him to a chair. ‘You sit here Dave, just take it easy and don’t worry about a thing,’ she says in her cheerful voice. Bewildered he does as he’s told and stares vacantly at the people around him. Then through the mist that floats before him he sees his wife, that’s right, she’s getting his dinner. It must be dinnertime, he’s starting to feel hungry but then his memory fades again and all he sees are the clouds closing in, blocking out that memory that had been almost within his grasp. His brain is desperately searching the files in his mind but a sense of frustration overwhelms him, and his language is spoken in terms that none can comprehend. Then suddenly this stranger is pulling up a chair beside him. Who is he, what does he want? ‘Hello Dad, how are you feeling today,’ I ask him in gentle voice. ‘You should be outside in the sun; it’s such a beautiful day outside’. Dad’s face is creased in a puzzled frown as he looks at this man that is seated beside him, then slowly his face breaks into a smile, as faint recognition starts to break through the haze of his mind. He searches for a name to put to the face but it’s like trying to grasp a wisp of smoke, and then that too is gone. ‘I’m your son lindsay, you remember me Dad, don’t you. I was in here to see you yesterday, you knew me then.’ Then as a fleeting glimpse of memory reaches his befuddled brain, this bewildered old man grasps me by the hand and hangs on as if he will never let it go. ‘How are you Lins, I’m glad you’ve come, I’ll go and pack my bag and come home with you now.’ I feel overwhelmed by a feeling of great sadness and gaze lovingly at my poor old Dad, and realize that he has a problem that no doctor can mend. ‘I’ve got to go and do some shopping first Dad and then I’ll come back and get you. You stay here till then and don’t worry about a thing.’ Then I think of the good times that I shared with my Dad. The football matches that we went too, screaming our heads off for our favourite team, the absolute joy when we won and the complete dejection when we lost. Those wonderful trips up to Deniliquin on the Edwards River where we caught all those big Murray cod and all the rabbiting trips up into the Bendowie ranges. Those times when the ferrets stayed in the burrows and we had to dig them out. Yes, they were the days. As I sit here now and gaze into his face my heart is nearly breaking in two, and I realize the day will come when I too will change places with my Dad, and my son will come and visit me in some old people’s home and the age old story will be repeated once again. Lindsay P Wilson |
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| © Copyright 2008 Lindsay P Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo LindsayP, I guess I still have a good memory, I remember this fine piece of writing. Thanks for posting it for the new people. Bobby |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
thank you for sharing, but this hits a little too close to home...still, nicely written to bring such emotions to the fore... |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I tucked this one away, Lindsay. It's a keeper - sad but part of life too. I am glad that you and your father share together. With love, Alison |
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Rick Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903Victoria, Australia |
Hi Lindsay, this was sad my friend but something that happens to so many old people. It is shame that we all get old and these things happen. May we keep our minds long enough to say life has been a wonderful journey and hold our family as blessing till end. I enjoyed the read Lindsay, thanks for sharing this my friend. Take care. Rick |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
To Bobby, Steav, Alison and Rick, thank you for your kind response, always appreciated. Take care. Lindsay |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
This is so sad, Lindsay, I went through a similar situation with my mother. Life is what it is. You remember the good times and your son will too. Ida |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
LindsayP - it's sad when things like this happen, had a difficult time reading it, but glad I did... BC |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
Thank you both, Ida and Bill for your kind response, old age is a sad time when we lose our parents but it is a part of life. God bless you both. Lindsay |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Hi Lindsay, this is overwhelming, I imagine the torture for the kids who see their dad...I'm touched because my father is 81 and is fine and it could happen to everyone...Getting old is for everyone and may be he has no pain and isn't unhappy....The others are suffering....Thank you for one of the most sensitive post I ever read yann |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Lindsay, whilst I understand the sadness and the heartbreak of this, forgive me for focussing on the beauty of the loving bond between you and your father and you and your son. - Owl |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
Yann, to just say thank you doesn't seem adequate for your very personal response but I really do appreciate your remarks. I hope your dad has a happy healthy life and is with you for many more years to come. A sincere thank you to you to Diana, the older I become, the more I realize that the loving bond shared in our family is a somewhat rare and precious thing for we are a very close family. |
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