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Open Poetry #43
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Even From The Floor
| Open Poetry #43 |
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Even From The Floor |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas 
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Even From The Floor You . . . break my heart. Pieces fall like tears, splotch the ground; color red, or is it the ground that’s red, the splotches, wet, deepening it’s hue. Fall knocks loose leaves from sleepy trees, somber yellows and browns. Red’s what I see most, a splotch on brown, and edge on yellow, centered and spread, multi-hues of shredded heart, falling, falling . . . Beer used to revive me, lift me above the pain, move me from inner to outer space where everything was okay and you were only a star way out there, very dim, almost gone. But enough beer and the universe collapsed ... I vomited on the bar room floor, ticked people off, suffered badly the next day, was burned by the disapproval of your fiery glare in the only picture I have left; bedside table, my side of the bed. Pieces of heart fall like tears, die in the depth of thick brown carpet, no color at all. Disapproval . . . even from the floor. Men are slow-whitted when touched by a woman – beware the spider. She'll make you cry. © wesley james beard jr. october 2008 not about me... |
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| © Copyright 2008 Wesley James Beard, Jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
A very vivid scenery you painted, dear Jimmy. Sad situation, you rendered it so well. Love, Margherita |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Sad poem, Jimmy. Nice to see you back. Ida |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
JamesWesley~ No matter who this is about, it is so very, very sad~ I sure hope this dear person can find some help and find someone with the compassion they need and some comfort to give them peace~ I worry about someone this down~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
disapproval of a fiery glare...wow, strong words... Nice write Jimmy... |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
I think men are the firey red, and you articulate that uncomfortable cold hand of discontent very well here. Enjoy your style very much Jimmy! |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
wow Jimbo!! you write some amazing work!! I really enjoyed reading it and am saving it to my library for another read thru later..  love RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
jwesley, Wow, I'm touched by this writing. Very vivid, and powerful. Can't say enough about it, just a great write... BC |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Thank you all for your reply's. I tried to put into this the echos from several sources, not all male I might add, though this is written from a male perspective. And again, this has nothing to do with me personally but is my perception of what others feel in a dead or dying relationship. j. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
quote: This part really got me, Jimmy. I think some of women have been down that road too. You did well in getting both sexes in this writing. A |
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sklagurl17 Junior Member
since 2008-09-08
Posts 43nc. |
Very sad. Let me know what i can do to make you feel better. |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
I have to echo what Allison said. Nice piece. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
"Pieces of heart fall like tears, die in the depth of thick brown carpet" exquisite imagery...well written...thoroughly enjoyed |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
Yes it is quite sad Jim but I enjoyed it just the same. Good luck in the future. Lindsay |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Vivid, powerful write... well done!!! |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
and you were only a star way out there, very dim, almost gone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That thought is sadly beautiful. I certainly hope this isn't about you. Although you convey the hopelessness and despair that is probably not so uncommon. Always good to read you, jwesley~ |
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Callista Member
since 2008-10-05
Posts 63USA |
I really enjoyed this: the failed, (failing?) love affair (not yours) and the sad aura of fall. I especially liked the idea of her being a star, "very dim, almost gone." The vomit part was too literal for me. "Disapproval-even from the floor" packed a powerful wallop. I think it would make a good ending. Callista [This message has been edited by Callista (10-19-2008 01:44 PM).] |
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