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jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

0 posted 2008-10-04 12:20 PM

Even From The Floor

You . . . break my heart.
Pieces fall like tears,
splotch the ground; color red,
or is it the ground that’s red,
the splotches, wet, deepening it’s hue.
Fall knocks loose leaves from sleepy trees,
somber yellows and browns.
Red’s what I see most,
a splotch on brown, and edge on yellow,
centered and spread,
multi-hues of shredded heart,
falling,
falling . . .
Beer used to revive me,
lift me above the pain,
move me from inner to outer space
where everything was okay
and you were only a star way out there,
very dim, almost gone.
But enough beer and the universe collapsed ...
I vomited on the bar room floor,
ticked people off, suffered badly the next day,
was burned by the disapproval of your fiery glare
in the only picture I have left; bedside table,
my side of the bed.
Pieces of heart fall like tears,
die in the depth of thick brown carpet,
no color at all.
Disapproval . . . even from the floor.

Men are slow-whitted
when touched by a woman –
beware the spider.

She'll make you cry.

© wesley james beard jr.
october 2008

not about me...

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2008-10-04 10:44 AM

A very vivid scenery you painted, dear Jimmy. Sad situation, you rendered it so well.

Love,
Margherita

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

2 posted 2008-10-04 02:50 PM

Sad poem, Jimmy. Nice to see you back.
Ida

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

3 posted 2008-10-04 05:59 PM

JamesWesley~
No matter who this is about, it is so very, very sad~
I sure hope this dear person can find some help and find someone with the compassion they need and some comfort to give them peace~

I worry about someone this down~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - noles1@totcon.com

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

4 posted 2008-10-04 07:17 PM

disapproval of a fiery glare...wow, strong
words...

Nice write Jimmy...

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

5 posted 2008-10-04 07:55 PM

I think men are the firey red, and you articulate that uncomfortable cold hand of discontent very well here.
Enjoy your style very much Jimmy!

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

6 posted 2008-10-04 11:11 PM

wow Jimbo!! you write some amazing work!! I really enjoyed reading it and am saving it to my library for another read thru later..

love
RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

7 posted 2008-10-04 11:47 PM

jwesley,

Wow, I'm touched by this writing. Very vivid, and powerful. Can't say enough about it, just a great write...

BC

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

8 posted 2008-10-06 08:59 AM

Thank you all for your reply's. I tried to put into this the echos from several sources, not all male I might add, though this is written from a male perspective.

And again, this has nothing to do with me personally but is my perception of what others feel in a dead or dying relationship.

j.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

9 posted 2008-10-06 06:32 PM

quote:
I vomited on the bar room floor,
ticked people off, suffered badly the next day,
was burned by the disapproval of your fiery glare
in the only picture I have left; bedside table,
my side of the bed.

This part really got me, Jimmy. I think some of women have been down that road too. You did well in getting both sexes in this writing.

A

sklagurl17
Junior Member

since 2008-09-08

Posts 43
nc.

10 posted 2008-10-06 07:12 PM

Very sad.
Let me know what i can do to make you feel better.

graeshine2006
Member

since 2008-06-03

Posts 368
The Prairie Lands, USA

11 posted 2008-10-06 10:26 PM

I have to echo what Allison said. Nice piece.

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

12 posted 2008-10-09 12:25 PM

"Pieces of heart fall like tears,
die in the depth of thick brown carpet"

exquisite imagery...well written...thoroughly enjoyed

LindsayP
Member Elite

since 2007-07-28

Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria

13 posted 2008-10-09 08:55 PM

Yes it is quite sad Jim but I enjoyed it just the same. Good luck in the future.

Lindsay

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

14 posted 2008-10-17 02:52 PM

Vivid, powerful write... well done!!!

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

15 posted 2008-10-18 11:01 AM

and you were only a star way out there,
very dim, almost gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That thought is sadly beautiful. I certainly hope this isn't about you.
Although you convey the hopelessness and despair that is probably not so uncommon.

Always good to read you, jwesley~

Callista
Member

since 2008-10-05

Posts 63
USA

16 posted 2008-10-18 11:13 AM

I really enjoyed this: the failed, (failing?) love affair (not yours) and the sad aura of fall. I especially liked the idea of her being a star, "very dim, almost gone." The vomit part was too literal for me. "Disapproval-even from the floor" packed a powerful wallop. I think it would make a good ending.
Callista

[This message has been edited by Callista (10-19-2008 01:44 PM).]

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