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Open Poetry #43
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Whispers
| Open Poetry #43 |
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Whispers |
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WTBAKELAR
since 2008-09-09
Posts 1089Utah, USA 
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WHISPERS Whispers, just whispers, was it the wind, Sweet breezes blow by me, where has she been, Memories, fond memories, chased by the pain, Voices that whisper, she’s gone again. Lonely, just lonely, left all alone, Moonlight shadows, heart turns to stone, Sorrows, deep sorrows, burden the soul, Regret and despair, claim their toll. A moment, one moment, what did I hear? Was it the wind, whisper she’s there? Falling, I’m falling, into the past, She’ll not return, forever at last. Leaving, I’m leaving, time to move on, Misty last memories, I’m finally done. Breezes, new breezes, sweet morning dew, She cries as she whispers, I’ll always love you. Wm. Tracey Bakelar |
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| © Copyright 2008 Wm. Tracey Bakelar - All Rights Reserved | |||
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TheAnonDavid Member
since 2008-08-28
Posts 237UK |
This is a thoughtful yet sombre piece of work. You have written it well and, after finishing it, there is a need to go back and read it again. |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
WTBAKELAR, Lines in poetry need not rhyme, but they should make sense. I'd try for more simplicity, and clarity. Bobby [This message has been edited by Robert E. Jordan (09-10-2008 10:02 PM).] |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Lovely lyrical tempo which lends itself well to the meloncholy of the piece. I really liked the style you chose to carry this beautiful lament.  |
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sklagurl17 Junior Member
since 2008-09-08
Posts 43nc. |
Full of love and purity. Love never grows old. |
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WTBAKELAR
since 2008-09-09
Posts 1089Utah, USA |
Thanks for the kind words and critique. Let me know what you think of my other works. |
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