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Open Poetry #42
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Ode to the beautiful boy
| Open Poetry #42 |
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Ode to the beautiful boy |
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Fareed Member
since 2008-02-08
Posts 75
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O beautiful boy! Vestige of sweet love, Dwells in scented poppies of thy heart, Encamped besides in solace thereof, Which on thyself tragedy canst part. All my extolment, all my reverence, Paeans learnt and grails half-hearted, Shamed by pureness unheard hitherto, Poetised in tome, lost word whence, Charms for fidelity ambit uncharted, My sleeps even never dream untrue. Let lone voices, thy quietude rhymes, Gleeful verses as honey in thy eyes, Glints rosier than any rosary chimes, Bechanced by any Jonah’s cries. O peerless Adonis! For thy trend, Towards blemish is as nonexistent, As is any merriment in the inferno, As any scepticism heart has to fend, Thence my folly assumes to extent, Thine is the act to weave the rainbow. Forsooth, whosoever foes conspire, To dilute thy youthful innocence, With a tincture of nefarious fire, Veneered in the messianic pretence. May they eternise and blind trusting, The sky to drip shriven nectar for, Rues as sleepwalking Lady Macbeth, Still wails whilst I keep on rusting, A shady bough, a citadel in war, Fencing thyself till swoon to death. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Fareed Athar - All Rights Reserved | |||
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
Fareed Shades of Shakespeare ! Only living 40 miles or so from his place of birth & visited a number of times, I have never been able to "grasp" his words..you are changing that..a modern day bard for sure. Well done.... John "Ignorance is the Enemy...." |
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india |
not bad. though i think the flickers of a much better poet can be seen. |
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
I do so agree Poddarku, I can see the potential hidden within. Fareed,do not try to force it, it will come gradually & you can only improve with the passage of time....it is obvious you have a love for the english language, I guess this is the reason for requesting replies be Verbose? If so, I trust this is loquacious enough for you......  Regards John |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Forsooth, whosoever foes conspire, To dilute thy youthful innocence, With a tincture of nefarious fire, A captivating write! The language is rather complex, yet it holds beauty. Margherita  |
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Fareed Member
since 2008-02-08
Posts 75 |
Thank you very much guys. I'm so honoured to have felt welcomed here. Am I showing the signs of the Bard on Avon, well I've never heard a sweeter comment I'll always aspire to live up to expectations now, Shakespeare, damn :O Take Care |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
You know, I am just gonna pop this right back up to the top. I think it is a pretty good piece of writing. I can't write this way and I can't do critiques well .. and I don't like to do them at all. I know that when I read this piece, I kind of just got lost in the words and the flow. It's different than most of what I read here in PiP --- and here it is again. Thank you, Fareed, for sharing your talent. Alison |
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Fareed Member
since 2008-02-08
Posts 75 |
Your words are much appreciated Alison. I'm glad to have made you like it. I sure shall try to bring up the words, you want to read. Thank you so much. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed...a trip to the top...James |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Very Poetic I think! ARCTIC WIND |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Fareed, I am sorry. I expressed myself poorly. When I said that "I got lost in the words and the flow." I didn't mean that you lost me in your expression - I meant that I was mesmerized by both. I think this is a lovely poem. Thank you and, again, I am sorry for being so unclear in my response. Alison |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
too much like shakespears. not that its bad but its too old for me to understand words that he'd use but this poem is very beautiful. but its not my type of poetry. great job anyway!! ~Zach~ |
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Fareed Member
since 2008-02-08
Posts 75 |
Alison, I got you sound and clear baby. I just want to make you feel this way, each time Thank you so much guys, much appreciated. |
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