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Open Poetry #42
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Eternal Brevity
| Open Poetry #42 |
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Eternal Brevity |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Eternal Brevity A young man appears From within a crowd of passers by Wearing a slick, black overcoat. He has on a pair of expensive loafers So fresh that you can still hear the cow mooing. His hair is immaculately trimmed Over his perfect ears, And his shades are so cool That you forget to wonder About the eyes behind them. And when they catch the sun, Flashing for a blinding second Into your dazzled eyes, You imagine for a moment That he looked at you and noticed your stare. What is his name, you wonder? Ken perhaps, As you look around half expecting Barbie to appear. He walks sideways from the flow Of the bustling ordinaries around him, And he stops by the trash basket On the corner of the busy street. You watch him pull out a silvery cigarette case, One made of real silver, Studded with diamond chips, Velvet lined With a push-button latch that still works. He chooses a cigarette And you wonder As he drops it to the ground unlit So the bums will have something to smoke... A small ironic mercy Bringing them one step closer To the gift of death. He moves up the block, Somehow managing to avoid Stepping on the trash That's strewn around his feet. He greets an old black man with an ancient hat, Giving him a curt nod and dropping a coin in his cup As he boldly plays his lively harmonica For the disinterested crowd In front of the Cafe that serves the Hospital. The young man stays for a moment and listens Before finding a seat on a stone bench Where he gazes at the nurses Staggering in and floating out of the Cafe-- Beautiful and Saintly, Angels of tolerable pain... Barely. He glances at his gold Rolex Then stands abruptly Padding noiselessly across the street In his suave, quiet shoes. He walks a few more blocks To the old church Where he stops and stares silently At the huge double doors, Adorned becomingly with panes of stained glass And polished brass trimming. For a moment he appears as if he is going to go in, Teetering imperceptably in his hesitation. Suddenly, the church bells begin to ring Sounding a joyous tune in precise synchronicity, Having no significance beyond the marking Of a strand of fleeting time Forever passed. The last chime of the last bell Seems to linger forever, Echoing into vast eternity; It's note will not be duplicated On this earth... He turns on his heel and walks briskly away Following the fading sound As it dissipates into distant forgottenness And is never heard Again. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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| © Copyright 2008 ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· - All Rights Reserved | |||
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
My goodness, you did it! Exactly what you wanted! You had this reader hanging on every word, as the climax built up further and further . . . to its magnificently crafted anti-climax . . . and left me with no answer to the question that was burning throughout the poem - who was he? Christ? An angel? An earthly saint? A thief with a bit of a (or a huge?) conscience or compassion? Just somebody who could have been you or I? A rich person who had no compassion, but believed that it was a nice thing to do? A figment of your/my/all readers' imagination? A dream? A character in a scene from a movie? Or was that the whole movie? A fictional cinematographical character in your poem? Please don't answer. That will spoil your poem for me and others, because not knowing is the point of the poem. Well done! This was excellent! - Owl |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Nodding agreement here. You made me forget I was reading. I love when that happens.  Well done! |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
My only reply is this... Thank you. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Wonderful...reminded me of the story telling in the French movie "Amelie"...James |
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graeshine2006 Member
since 2008-06-03
Posts 368The Prairie Lands, USA |
I think his name is Josh - and I want to know more about Josh.... you have me wondering. |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
fascinating , You held my attention, especially with the details... wonderful writing~ You know you're in love, when you can't fall asleep,because reality is finally better than your dream~Dr.Seuss |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
I think this is a movie perhaps? I feel as though I have seen it before, but I can't seem to put a name to it.... well shoot, now my mind will be trying to think of the name of it all night....lol I guess you like doing that to your readers...making them think about you...lol Or maybe You are Ken? |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
I'm being notified that people are commenting on this piece yet when I attempt to view the comments, I see nothing past the first two, so if I miss thanking anyone for their remarks good or bad, I do so now in advance. Thanks for viewing my poem, poets. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
I so agree with James, except that I don't know that movie, but what I mean is that the French moviemakers are known for their excellence, and I absolutely wrap myself up in the French movies I have seen - every detail, colour, texture, psychological moment is mushroom-tastingly (for someone who, like me, loves mushrooms) superb! - Owl |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Ah, that did the trick. I see you all now. Thanks again for reading, poets, and for your warm reviews a double thanks. And a triple thanks for your double visit, Sir Owl. To the romantic one with the beautiful eyes and the query- Dear Poetess, if I were this "Ken" it would be vain and arrogant of me to say so. And if I were not, it would be a lie. Therefore, I say only this, he existed in my mind, at least. That much I can say for a truth. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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KeyLimeSorbet Member
since 2008-03-05
Posts 74Colorado |
very nice |
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BugBuggy Member
since 2005-12-19
Posts 130michigan |
My goodness what a story teller I agree with all the above comments this was great..wonderful reading please continue to tell us more....next installment please... BugBuggy |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Thank you KeyLime and Bug. I've seen your work and know I am in the presence of great poets, so I appreciate your comments. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: This was truly a captivating write, the imagery was very vivid indeed! Love, Margherita |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Thank you, Grand Poetess of the 11 gazillion posts! ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo XGarapanX, This is well done. It kept my interest all the way through. Bobby |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
My pleasure, and many thanks, Poet. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
He turns on his heel and walks briskly away Following the fading sound As it dissipates into distant forgottenness And is never heard Again. You told a very thought provoking post with this one Garapan. much enjoyed. Lindsay |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
Thanks alot, mate. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
The sound of the church bell gave me shivers. Impeccable, this perfect charcoal you have drawn in word art. |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
I'm grateful for your positive response, and pleased that you enjoyed the writing, Diamond. Thank you. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
oh my goodness... I was mezmerised from start to finish.. a beautiful gifting you have gifted us thank you ... love RDBBe kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
It was wonderful of you to say so. Thank you. ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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