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graeshine2006
Member

since 2008-06-03

Posts 368
The Prairie Lands, USA

0 posted 2008-06-14 11:02 PM

Normally, I don't want criticisms, that window is closed, but I'm not getting much help in Critical Analysis, so let me have it! The person this was written about, may actually read it, so I want it to be good.

Thanx!

I've seen your smile once.
And, oh - how it took me away,
To a place where romance flows
A place I'd like to stay.

And from that smile came my name
As I have never heard.
As if God gave you voice
on wings of a soaring bird.

Did you know? Could you tell?
Did my face show it's surprise -
When that smile took my heart
and wrapped it with a sigh?

I'd given up on romance.
Thought it's not for me.
But with your smile, in my mind
I wonder "could it be"?

So for now, I'll trust in fate
To show me if it's true.
That such a smile is heaven's gift
Sent to me through you.

graeshine2006
Member

since 2008-06-03

Posts 368
The Prairie Lands, USA

1 posted 2008-06-14 11:07 PM

Or I at least want it to be readable and understandable and make you smile. (Are readable and understandable words???)

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2008-06-15 06:56 AM

Dear Debra,
this is more than readable, it is highly ENJOYABLE! And the one who inspired you will be very happy and lucky too!
"Heaven's smile" is whenever you recognize the voice of the heart and the beauty of a soul in a smile, or in smiling eyes.
And you are so right, whatever stirs our hearts and souls, IS a heavenly gift.

Deeply beautiful poem!

Love,
Margherita

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

3 posted 2008-06-15 08:05 AM

I can assure you it is lovely just as it is and I am sure that the person to whom you give this will be very happy to receive it.

- Owl

graeshine2006
Member

since 2008-06-03

Posts 368
The Prairie Lands, USA

4 posted 2008-06-15 08:52 AM

Diana and Margherita - That means more than you'll know coming from you two! Thanks.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

5 posted 2008-06-15 09:08 AM

I love this one deeply
I really enjoyed the ending
Yes, It is a gift from God to smile

ARCTIC WIND

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

6 posted 2008-06-17 01:31 PM

Hello baby...

This is lovely, and isn't it fun working out our nits and stuff in CA with constructive words, so that we might truly improve our thoughts on paper?

I knew you'd like that place!

What's even better, though,
is how much I like your photo!!

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

7 posted 2008-06-19 01:01 AM

Hey Deb!

Haven't heard from you in a while so I hunted down one of your newest poems... lol

This poem is Beautiful. I enjoyed it like anyone else who has read it.

Who ever your gunna give this poem to.. I give my stamp of approval!! lol

*Zach stamps the poem with a gaint, red stamp with a double thumbs up*

Hahaha!

Have a great day!
~Zach~

"It might be easy to fall for someone but it's also easy to break a heart." - Zach Booker.

Richy
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 3050

8 posted 2008-06-19 09:16 AM

Dear Debra, what guy could resist such lovely words, especially with that glowing smile of your's.

Very beautiful!
Rich

graeshine2006
Member

since 2008-06-03

Posts 368
The Prairie Lands, USA

9 posted 2008-06-19 02:56 PM

Hi Zach and Richy,
Thank you soooo much!

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