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mjc
New Member

since 2008-02-03

Posts 2
mass

0 posted 2008-02-08 08:03 AM

grey

I had forgotten:
the old man had carved wood birds and ducks in his day
And the woman was a social worker til the day she retired,
And painted ceramics long ago-

The man went back to college, while working,
To change from a field that was growing quickly obselete;
She went back to work as her role of mother was growing less
Demanding of her time.

One day, in a restaurant, in the flat way
He addressed the waiter,I was sure that I saw
That much I had condemned in him was mere shyness-
Shyness! And in her, a child of the fifties and the church,
And of a mother frustrated or hurt in her own way-

This morning, cold,
With a dusting of snow,
And the sky waking slowly, I think, not morbidly
Of coffins lowered slowly into the ground
As a priest intones,- No-
Now is not the time for blame-
Those things in myself I do not like
(that no one likes in themselves)
Will wither or dissolve not from blame, nor envy, nor wishing, idle things.

Ghosts rarely haunt but in regret and remorse:
With forgiveness, give them rest, this day-

[This message has been edited by mjc (02-08-2008 09:30 AM).]

Allogenes
Junior Member

since 2008-01-16

Posts 35

1 posted 2008-02-09 03:07 AM

This is very good - I can easily envision it in a published manuscript. It beings slowly, thoughtfully; resurrecting the sacred spirit of Memory - and the last lines are as haunting as the spirits you've conjured.

Great job.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2008-02-09 08:54 AM

This is a wonderfully well written piece, leaving the reader with much to savor.

Bobby Jordan
Member

since 2007-08-13

Posts 491
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

3 posted 2008-02-09 09:46 AM

Mjc,

I'd avoid starting so many lines, and sentences, with "And".

Bobby

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

4 posted 2008-02-09 11:59 AM

Very Wonderfully Written indeed

ARCTIC WIND

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