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poddarku
Senior Member

since 2008-01-15

Posts 589
india

0 posted 2008-02-07 10:04 AM

Nice girls do not fly

The echoing voice a distant crow
Down in the valley of papers
                       Papers clipped to your character
Down in the valley of meetings
                       Budget conferences, hopes and glories.
She comes out in the balcony.
A melancholy sky is diving over a kite.
She looks back
Beyond the void space and
Buttery faces of mindless men
Her cell rings with demands.

She opens her wings
                                                  (that her mother had told
do not belong to nice girls)

Distant men and crows are alike
                                               Small and insignificant.

effjayel
Senior Member

since 2007-09-30

Posts 1474
At the Crossroads of Infinity

1 posted 2008-02-07 10:53 AM

Po....

'A melancholy sky is diving over a kite'

You have a way of conjuring up vivid mental imagery with your choice of words, much enjoyed,

John

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

2 posted 2008-02-07 11:02 AM

Enjoyed your thoughts!

ARCTIC WIND

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

3 posted 2008-02-07 01:14 PM

how interesting!!! love the read.
Tom

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

4 posted 2008-02-07 02:06 PM

Dear poddarkku,

After reading your poem, I was struck by how hard you were reaching for something. Rather than going into direct criticism right now, I thought I'd offer a connection to a poem that had some thematic resonance. It's not the same thing, of course. But this guy's first two or three books may have something to say to you and may help more than any particular specific critique right now. Let me know what you think.
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=176603

Yours, BobK.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2008-02-07 03:22 PM

Like the title...and more...James

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

6 posted 2008-02-07 06:06 PM

Sometimes the pressure of life's demands can become too heavy, when we don't do what we like to do.

I hope this girl you are talking of spread her wings to fly ... in search of her dreams, not downwards ...

You did a good job.

Interesting theme!

love
Margherita

TinaTrivett
Senior Member

since 2006-07-15

Posts 569

7 posted 2008-02-07 11:35 PM

Really enjoyed this...

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