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Open Poetry #42
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2008-05-15 04:59 PM


.


The dead end
Of a small town
Park lake

The water hardly flows
Occasionally though
There are ripples
When the wind is strong

Sometimes then
You can hear a rustle
Of leaves mingle
With the wail of trains
That seem to be mourning
Some forgotten tragedy
As they pass by

And from a hill not that tall
Where there is one picnic table
A pair of swings never used

You can watch the geese
Without a sound on silent wings
Come down from the sky


.

© Copyright 2008 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2008-05-15 05:12 PM


I could just imagine myself on that swing watching the geese come down ...

This scenery is very captivating!

Love,
Margherita

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
2 posted 2008-05-15 09:01 PM


John,

This is very descriptive.  Geese can have a mean streak if I remember right.

Bobby

steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

3 posted 2008-05-16 11:32 AM


so descriptive with such an air of peace and rest
gilead
Senior Member
since 2008-03-10
Posts 1067
nevada, USA
4 posted 2008-05-16 01:43 PM


You have a real gift of the word! This is so real as to be touched by the fingers of mind, and hand! I am taken there with serenity as my companion.

Well done, Huan Yi!

Art

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
5 posted 2008-05-16 01:50 PM


This is very dicriptive and presents me with a vivid picture, reminding me of some place I have been before.
                               Ida

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
6 posted 2008-05-24 01:44 AM


John,

Your eyes often look to places that I have been and you paint the pictures with such clarity.

Beautiful -

Alison

unboundpoetess
Member
since 2008-05-24
Posts 477

7 posted 2008-05-24 02:08 AM


You took me there.
Thanks for sharing your gift,
~H

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
8 posted 2008-05-24 03:48 PM


This is probably my very favourite of all your poems.  It is dripping with untold, secret stories - yours, ours, and those painted into this exquisite poem that cries out to be read over and over again.  It is like a mysterious painting that one can't take one's eyes off and that one feels a deep affinity for and that one sees more and more the deeper one looks into it.  Thank you for this treasure.

- Owl

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