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Eden
| Open Poetry #42 |
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Eden |
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Asden New Member
since 2008-05-10
Posts 1 |
I would appreciate it very much if you all could tell me what you think of this and how I may be able to improve on my writing, I plan on giving it to my girlfriend as a way of telling her I love her. ------------------------------ what does one man know of beauty and love for what does it mean, a sun rising for whom does the sun rise in each day break for whom do birds sing their melody it is a lost life, to spend in these things for what things are these but a mirror reflecting all the glory of your eyes in you all life has meaning, all souls sing sweet melody of mine, sing to me for all the heavens know no sweeter song no ear lay deaf to these heavenly chimes no eyes blind to the face of a star all life springs from this garden of eden all life lay down to your hearts wanting for all owe to you the joy of living tis not night lest you say it is night tis not morn lest you say it is risen tis not life lest thy lips speak soft, love. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Asden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Don't change a thing...give it to her. She will know. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I cannot expound more than ThisDiamond did, other than to at least capitalize the first letter of every stanza. In the future, should you wish to be a Passions in Poetry member, if you would check into your profile, so that we will know that you want some advice or critique of your poetry, that will help us, too.  Please, check your email for a Very Special Greeting! Welcome to Passions! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
and a warm welcome to our pages blue... I enjoyed your beautiful gifting .. RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I doubt that there couldst be a woman who wouldst not appreciate a poetic out-pouring of love such as yours.  Lovely! I can picture her face ~ and heart ~ smiling when she reads your adoring words. Giving you a warm, welcoming pip hug, Earth Angel  |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Beautiful words my friend...emailed you my comments. jimmy |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
First, welcome to PIP. Second, I dare not offer advice to the lovelorn being a man and not fully understanding such things...the ladies here have give you good advice, methinks...anyway, love this part: "tis not night lest you say it is night tis not morn lest you say it is risen tis not life lest thy lips speak soft, love." |
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