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Open Poetry #42

Bathing After School

Ocean Vuong
Junior Member

since 2008-03-29

Posts 37
NYC

0 posted 2008-04-05 08:35 PM

The tub echoes with splashes
as the plastic soldier treads
the white bubbles above
the warm water.

The soldier is alone, deserted
by the smiles of rubber ducks.
He kneels by the edge, peering
into that pool, inspecting the water
for the slightest ripple’s shiver.

In the kitchen the shouting shakes
the pillars behind these walls
and the fingers seize that warrior,
soaking in all six inches of courage.

The hero dives, swallowed by the swamp.
Even under the weight of this muted sea, one
could hear the whispers as sharp as a whale’s cry

--“Don’t worry mom, I’m gonna save you.”

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-04-05 08:46 PM

Ocean Vuong,

God bless the hero, he's going to save her.

This is excellent, and effective writing. Yeah, I like it.

Bobby

Seoulair
Senior Member

since 2008-03-27

Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea

2 posted 2008-04-05 10:36 PM

love the read.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

3 posted 2008-04-05 11:56 PM

I thoroughly enjoyed the contrasts, or storytelling if you will.
As well as leaving something to the readers imagination.

You've got a unique and wonderful style of writing, Ocean Vu.

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