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exhale
Senior Member

since 2003-06-13

Posts 646
Alberta,Canada

0 posted 2008-01-26 03:10 AM

closer and closer into you
I find myself being unraveled
where cold nights alone once held my memories
you stand
a warm figure
arms ready for me
I am still falling
perpetual motion
you are my end
as I am yours

we move together

I would dream of the smell of burning wood
always on the edge of my senses
freedom in the fire I could never see
you are the fire
the burning inside
hidden
and mine

we move together

Bobby Jordan
Member

since 2007-08-13

Posts 491
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-01-26 09:30 AM

Exhale,

The guts of a poem are there. The words work well enough. It just needs a little polish.

Bobby

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 2008-01-27 01:45 AM

Enjoyed...James

soul drifter
Senior Member

since 2004-09-08

Posts 711
Colorado

3 posted 2008-01-30 01:27 AM

god.

you never cease to amaze me. I'm keeping this one so I can let it cut through me again and again, like your other work I have saved.

god. would I could do that...

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

4 posted 2008-08-15 02:00 AM

I am glad that there is a warm fuzzy feeling around this poem, just like the campfire. Your words are so compelling and your emotions can move mountains.

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

5 posted 2008-08-16 12:36 PM

Dear Exhale,

Your admirers admire you rightly. Bobby is offering you a gift worth accepting. Myself, I wonder if you'd played at any point with the kind of wood smoke you smell burning, and if you'd noticed any difference between using hickory and, say, a combination of hickory and rosemary. Or if you'd thought about other possible specific wood smoke odors, which can be extremely powerful things to put into a poem. Yours is moving the way it is, of course.

Best wishes, BobK.

Dadygoose
Member

since 2010-01-01

Posts 162
A Communist country

6 posted 2010-01-05 05:16 PM

Thank you, Exhale.
It’s confirming to read a fantasy
I have told to very, very few.
Jaime
(btw: Pip notifications do not reach me.

Hey, nobody's human!

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