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Open Poetry #42
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Ecclesiastes
| Open Poetry #42 |
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Ecclesiastes |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan 
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. You see old girl It’s good To sit here quietly Alone at the end Of the day To watch Silently the sun set Without regret In the western sky To go Beyond memory And follow its light Into a final dream To feel the wind Settling To hear calmly In that secret place In the heart The last bird sing . |
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| © Copyright 2008 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Fine write, Mr. Poet. Ida |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
For me, from the 2nd line to the end, this is the finest ‘write’ of those that I have read by this author! I am especially fond of that silently setting sun… and: “To go Beyond memory And follow its light Into a final dream” Very serious and long-sustained applause [one of those ‘poetic standing ovations’ for this ‘penning!]’ |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
John, This indeed is a fine write. Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books. There is a time for everything just about wraps it up. Bobby |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
your poetry is awesome |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
. Thank you all Bruce I know you think the first line a spoil yet in my mind the speaker is talking not to any actually around him or just to himself but alone to a someone remembered. Helen, it always feels good when you like something. Thanks all again John |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
You might be right! It takes calm awareness and joyous surrendering. Beautiful, significant write. Love, Margherita |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
no, I really didn't consider the first line a 'spoil'... [because I figured it held important personal meaning] but, the following part alone (in particular) is of immense significance: "It’s good To sit here quietly Alone at the end Of the day To watch Silently the sun set Without regret In the western sky To go Beyond memory And follow its light Into a final dream" continuing applause!! |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Enjoyed it as always yann |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Wonderful...James |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear John, Nice use of sensory verbs. They anchor the sense of physical experience well. More explicit use of the nouns often yields good results too. The sun always sets in the western sky, for example; which western sky did this particular sun set in? Over Lake Superior, the Ohio River, Mount Hood? Each says something different. To say the sun sets in the western sky uses one word too many (yes, I did mean "western"); while to say the sun sets over the Santa Monica Pier uses more words but may not waste any. Hope this isn't too bothersome. My best, BobK. |
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Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
very sentimental one. loved the read. |
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ayearofdust Junior Member
since 2008-03-31
Posts 11 |
There's something wonderfully calming about this poem. Well done. |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
I like this poem just the way it is with "the sun setting in the western sky." Ida |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
Bob K "Gone West" is an old WWI term, hence the western sky is something more than currently obvious John . |
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