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Open Poetry #42

I was

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

0 posted 2008-03-17 07:03 PM

I was a new
dish towel

used
and
thrown away

my pain is empty

and still has
power to ache

[This message has been edited by hiddensmiles (03-17-2008 08:27 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2008-03-17 07:32 PM

Were I to take this to our writer's group
I think the consensus would be to use
a couple of different line breaks,

but other than that...
the stark clarity of something used
briefly, knowing that there is
more to it than that
comes across very clear.

Thank you, Jace.

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

2 posted 2008-03-17 08:33 PM

thank you for your comment...i changed it, is that what you mean

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

3 posted 2008-03-17 10:39 PM

Hiddensmiles,

I'm afraid the meaning of this short piece eludes me completely.

However, being a city boy, I'm not very intelligent.

Bobby

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2008-03-18 07:58 AM

Some things continue to ache even when we are aware that there won't be any gain in it.

Short yet sharp.

Love,
Margherita

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

5 posted 2008-03-25 12:04 PM

thank you

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

6 posted 2008-03-28 12:30 PM

bobby,

the meaning of the writting can be different for each person,

when i wrote it i wasnt sure as well.

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