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Green Bay Road
| Open Poetry #41 |
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Green Bay Road |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan 
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. No Moon Late in August night A strong cold wind And crickets panic With winter’s rumor . |
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| © Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
I would welcome that right now~~ been a rough, long, hot summer... enjoyed M |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
John I really like this, man. I must admit that your usual minimalist poems are lost on me (that's not to say they are of poor quality) but this is really great. And witty as well, nice to see this side of you. My only suggestion would be to the title "Green Bay Road." That title is too specific I think, it will be lost on people. I would take out "No Moon" and use it as the title. Also, you could maybe revise the line "A strong cold wind." Maybe describe it a different way; just because it sounds very familiar. Well, that's my take on it. I really liked this John, a lot. Cheers mate - Ed "Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done." |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan |
. Thanks both Ed, The title was slapped on to accomodate this site. I thought to use "No Moon" but I wanted the line to be a part of the poem itself. Thanks again, John |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
Well, either way, it's a winner.  "Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done." |
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