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Open Poetry #41
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The Battle Wraiths
| Open Poetry #41 |
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The Battle Wraiths |
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Warrior Bristo Member
since 2007-07-28
Posts 96Arizona 
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No fear To fight To face The night Battle wraiths Take delight To bring The storm By evil Formed To crush The soul Without Console But fight The wraiths Amidst The dark Show no Mercy Call their Plots Srike them Fiercely And they Will fall And you Shall stand Above Them tall warrior undefeated |
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| © Copyright 2007 Brenna Nicole Bohn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Warrior Bristo Member
since 2007-07-28
Posts 96Arizona |
well? warrior undefeated |
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BBGrrl Member
since 2007-07-17
Posts 181BC, Canada |
First of all - waiting one minute before attempting to bump your own poem seems more than a trifle presumptious. Point of fact, responses to our own work will not "bump" our poems up to the top. Ettiqitte being covered - let me see. I feel your line breaks make your poem too choppy. I would like to see you expand the image of your "battle wraith". A neat idea, but your poem doesn't tell me what they mean, what they are, except that they're evil. You're telling me they're evil and that you must fight them - but why? Worry less about your ryhyme sceme - your form is too sparse to make this flow - some more descriptives, filling out your images would be of great help. Don't tell me about them - show me what they are. Make me afraid, make me feel your fear. I hope this is of help. |
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Warrior Bristo Member
since 2007-07-28
Posts 96Arizona |
first of all i wasn't trying to "bump" my poem! I had to respond to me own poem in order to put it in my private library so i could find it again easier! Second of all the whole point is that you don't know what the wraiths are! They are whatever you make them out to be! warrior undefeated |
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BBGrrl Member
since 2007-07-17
Posts 181BC, Canada |
I apologise for my assumption. |
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Warrior Bristo Member
since 2007-07-28
Posts 96Arizona |
no problem. warrior undefeated |
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Bronzeage Member
since 2007-07-20
Posts 197 |
WB, This is a clever idea, but the you have been much too spare with the words.The short lines invite a fast paced read and it starts off with a good iambic rythmn, but breaks down in the middle and trips the tongue. |
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Warrior Bristo Member
since 2007-07-28
Posts 96Arizona |
oh, well not my best i guess. warrior undefeated |
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