Desert Rainstorm--a work in progress

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Open Poetry #41

Desert Rainstorm--a work in progress

joe86s
Junior Member

since 2008-01-07

Posts 10

0 posted 2008-01-11 07:38 PM

well, this one is from a while back--I tried to give it a rhyme scheme (and failed), then gave up halfway. what little rhythm it has seems to make it read better--but the added words also made it seem contrived at parts and i think hides the ending a little. oh well. this is a work in progress

My lust for life,
My ceaseless fight,
Choked my heart with strife
While walls I built wound, heaven-bound
To trap me in their night

I tired of foes
My limbs failed weak
Raw hands grew rough with woe
Yet the dead desert looming, evil-fuming
Still around me reeked

Then you came,
A cloud-borne land
Of graying cliffs sky-tamed
A breeze, a touch, a scree of sea
A rain-drop sizzling on burnt sand

I covered my face
And shrank from the tastes
Of water’s cold embrace
Yet, I came to love you, by and by—
A summer shower in the wastes

You grew,
You covered heaven’s gates,
And smothered the fiery slew
You gave me breath and gave me shade
A summer shower in the wastes

I gave from my dune
What was never mine to give
The sun, the stars, the moon
Yet still you grew, and I gave to you
A summer shower in the wastes

But then you left
For other lands
And again a wall I built
Stronger, taller, wider still
Lest my desert should once more meet

A summer shower turned thunderstorm

Clang
Member

since 2005-12-15

Posts 222

1 posted 2008-01-11 08:34 PM

Awesome!

TomMark
Member Elite

since 2007-07-27

Posts 2133
LA,CA

2 posted 2008-01-11 09:25 PM

You indeed write very good poem.
enjoyed

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