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Open Poetry #41
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2007-12-09 12:16 PM


.


In the cold
Blue air
A hawk
Slowly gyres
Over winter fields

Christmas lights
Strung along
And above the streets
There’s music playing
From the stores

All the houses
Draped in white
With wreaths of pine
Upon their doors

And of course—
A single mitten
For a woman
Lying in the snow


.

© Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2007-12-09 12:49 PM


Those mittens we lose all the time ...

Such beautiful imagery, dear John!

Love,
Margherita

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
2 posted 2007-12-09 01:09 PM


Wonderful Pictures you painted

ARCTIC WIND

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
3 posted 2007-12-09 04:31 PM


fine minimalistic seasonal and 'holiday' impression!

one small point...

"And of course—
A single mitten
For a woman
Lying in the snow"

In terms of the placement of 'modifiers'...this wording
might be misinterpreted such that the woman seems
to be 'lying in the snow' rather than the mitten?

perhaps just:

"And of course—
a woman's mitten
lying in the snow"

sorry...I profoundly apologize John, if this seems to be in
any way picayune! [it is just that this 'write' is such a
grand and powerful impression otherwise...like a fine 'ice
sculpture'...clear, concise and very moving!]

serious applause!!


[This message has been edited by secondhanddreampoet (12-09-2007 08:36 PM).]

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2007-12-09 06:26 PM


John, I have been gone for some time and have truly missed reading your work

so glad I am back now

TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
5 posted 2007-12-09 08:06 PM


On the hand
of one of the two
snow angels
in my mind

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