»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #41
»
Havin troubles
| Open Poetry #41 |
|
Havin troubles |
|
|
poetninoit Junior Member
since 2007-06-10
Posts 20 |
I started this poem the other night and I can't quite figure out where to go with it. If you have any suggestions please post them. Awh the days of young-love bliss When love was felt through every kiss with late night talks and romantic walks No love was better than this And when the road turned, you turned together but, you never thought you'd be turning forever you twisted and turned, you crashed and burned Now your broken and can't get better That's it so far. It feels like it's moving too fast and the 6th line is in an awkward spot. Please help. |
||
| © Copyright 2007 poetninoit - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
I like what you have so far. Maybe think of the 2nd stanza as not and see if you can fill in between the two.  it's the only suggestion I can come up with.."too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"Awh the days of young-love bliss When love was felt through every kiss with late night talks and romantic walks" ~ "Awh", indeed! A love-ly opening stanza!  Regarding your request for some suggestions, might I suggest what I have frequently done ~ Leave it for awhile and start working on a new poem. When I revisit the poem, it is often with fresh eyes and a new perspective and the creative juices begin to flow. If the piece that I am working on becomes labor-intensive, then it most likely will not be one of my better writes. However, when I get back into the flow of a poem, magic happens and the words come effortlessly. They practially write themselves! Just a thought! Giving you a warm, welcoming pip hug, Earth Angel  |
||
|
Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
My suggestion is to stop working on it. Go walk around the park and look at ducks -- that usually works for me. Suddenly the words start to come. And usually the poem writes itself totally different from what I thought I was doing, and that was why I was having trouble with it in the first place. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
||
|
poetninoit Junior Member
since 2007-06-10
Posts 20 |
Thanks for all the suggestions. And if it was summer I would go for a walk in the park, but unfortunately it's just way too cold. But a great suggestion nonetheless. I like the idea of leaving the 2nd stanza as maybe an ending stanza or something. Thanks again everyone! |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
